Monthly Archives: June 2004


Sitting around the office, my co-workers and I were reminiscing about white-out, correct tape, typewriters, mimeographs, early command-line computers. Our sad grades in typing class. This started an office meme/competition (the last one was the bloody penguins). Someone looked up an on-line typing test and off we went.

In high school, I got a C in Typing Class because my best score was 24wpm and my errors were many. While working as an office temp, I managed to get up to 40wpm. After starting to do computer work, it was up to 50wpm. I surprised myself by getting 62wpm with 100% accuracy. At 98% accuracy, I got up to 66wpm. I think LJ has helped with this improvement.

The best in the office was 87wpm with 98% accuracy. She has come down from over 100wpm from when she did office work.

I do like my co-workers at times like this.

Picture update

Things are shaking up at work so guess what I do. Avoid dealing with it all and slack off by picture wrangling and posting.

The last time I updated my picture site, it was Dec 31 2003. I now have pretty much everything for 2004 up. 2002 and 2003 have been moved to their own pages.

Share and Enjoy!

If you find any missing links or other errors, please to let me know and I can fix them.

Funny thing I noticed is that I appear to be missing Halloween from last year all together. I need to go find them (there were 5 or 6).

Serenity Picture Page

While I can’t say if things have gotten better in the Gina-verse, things have changed enough that I had the energy to do something that seemed an impossibly steep hill previously. One outcome of this is that I finally have my Serenity pages up on the web.

Click through to see pictures of my dearest baby. My one, my only, my car. Some people have children, some have pets, I have a car and I love it.

The usefulness of pain

“Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm”

Over a couple of years, I have been working on approaching the concept of actually living through the pain in my life instead of shunting it away from me. This started out with the concept of actually dealing with grief instead of side-stepping it. In the last year, I have been whapped with some serious emotional pain (five times so far that I can think of). Times when it didn’t have to be that hard but due to decisions (of mine and others involved), miscommunication, the randomness of the universe, what happened was one of the more painful of the possible options. Not only have I survived (my old self would have been convinced I wouldn’t), I have had tremendous growth because of these events. It is like thinking your legs are too weak and finding out that you can actually stand up. Things that had been overlooked were brought to the forefront and actually worked on. Issues in relationships that had been ignored or avoided have been cleared up and deeper connections have been made. I am able to see value in places that was devoid of value before. If the “correct” choices had been made and things didn’t go as badly as they did, I would have continued along like I have in the past and missed the incredible opportunities to grow. It is like getting a small allowance and missing an opportunity to gain a large jackpot.

I will admit I resent this pain. I resent the fact that it needs to be that bad to get the good. I resent some of the connections it has created because it makes life harder. I am committed to working harder than I was before. I am scared of the value I am placing on things that make no sense to me. But it is worth it. I go in kicking and screaming but I still go in. I give thanks for this horrible pain. I appreciate the fact that I didn’t get what I needed when I needed it so that things blew up. Because if it weren’t for these bad things, I wouldn’t have gotten the benefits. My life has much more depth and value that it ever did before. And I almost don’t resent that.

It is frustrating that the cliches of good things follow bad things prove to be true. I am grateful to be going through this. Damn it.

These aren’t quite what I am talking about but they fit in the same category and are very common:
That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger
Every cloud has a silver lining
No pain, no gain
Every adversity is an opportunity in disguise
For every door that closes, another opens

These are closer:
It has to get worse, before it gets better
The sharper is the berry, the sweeter is the wine
The Royal Air Force Motto, ” Per Ardua ad Astra”=Through difficulties to the stars

And the best one I have found so far:
“Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel…”William Shakespeare

(see what happens when I run out of book while on bart)

Feeling better (sort of)

My attitude about life isn’t as bad as it has been recently. Step by little baby step, things have felt like they improved. Now I just need to let go of the concept that everything is horrible just so I can understand it and get the help I need. It is ok to let things be ok.

Baycon was not the joy and relief I was hoping it would be. There was good in it and there was bad. But I made it through and it wasn’t all bad which is good.

I was facing an empty weekend with just something to do Sun evening so I didn’t even bother to get out of bed until 4-ish on Sat. I got the idea that since it was the first Sat of the month, it was New Wave City night. It has been years since I have gone. I called some friends and two showed up (jadecat9 and alleycat) and we danced the night away. fresne and capricious_k and I saw Shrek 2 Sunday (great movie, loved it). Afterwards we sat and talked in a park getting a chance to just hang. I did my monthly Ridhwan thingy that night. So, like it typically happens, I went from an empty weekend to a very full weekend pulling practically an all-nighter on Sat and going from one thing to the next on Sunday, finally getting to bed at 9:30pm. If I didn’t panic about having nothing to do, I would have nothing to do.

So life is getting a little better but I still don’t feel all that great. That is because I have these stupid allergies that might be a cold. They came on quick so I think they are allergies but they keep getting worse and I had a sore throat before the runny nose showed up. So, physically, not feeling that great.

Now I am faced with a dilemma. Going out dancing is great fun but the last two times have laid waste to me afterwards. The next Dark Sparkle is going to be at the DNA Lounge (where they do an internet broadcast of the music) and they are giving out double CDs. This Wed! Whaaaaa. I have plans for Wed night till 8pm in the East Bay. I could make it back to the city, but I am sick. Whaaaa! I wanna go dancing. I wanna get the CDs. Waaaa…

I must be doing better if I can whine over missing something like this. :)
It ain’t all roses but the dark miasma that was seeping into my life has pulled back some and appears to be on the retreat.

Don’t tease the Gina

This is a public service announcement: Do Not Tease The Gina.

I have some friends that show they care by teasing me. I got hit a number of times at Baycon. I understand that it is a way of showing affection and connection. It doesn’t stop if from hurting and being mean. I am in a dark place in my life right now and I don’t need to deal with people that care about me hurting me for whatever reason if it can be avoided. If you do something or say something and your defense when you get glared at is “I am only teasing” then you shouldn’t be doing or saying that particular thing.

I grew up being hurt by being teased. It was “fun” to get a reaction out of Gina. Gaining a thicker skin is not an option. If it were, I would be impervious by 3rd grade. When I moved to the Bay Area, I lived in a household with friends and learned to give and take teasing in a caring environment. It was a lesson I worked hard at, it does not come naturally. And as with all things that are not natural talents, it is one of the first to go when things get tough.