I am a tad uncomfortable posting this to the internet as someday it may be able to be used against me by unscrupulous people. We all know the internet is not a secure venture. But this is something I have been pondering tonight, it was important enough to me to type out and others might get some insight about it (about me or as a mirror to themselves). I also wanted it out there so it would be a milestone for me in the future. If I didn’t post it, I might forget it all and never get any good out of it.

So it is behind this tag

Woot!!!
My pictures for 2005 are up. Finally!

There are fewer this year. And a lot of them are too dark. I seem to be doing fewer events and taking fewer pictures. Guess I am not as camera happy as I have been when it was newer. But there are events and there are pictures. Peruse at your own risk.

I need an Agent.

Someone that has time and doesn’t find writing hard.

My dad gave me some money that was coming to me recently and included a note that said “use for your heart’s desire.” I have been pondering what are the desires of my heart. One of the things I really want/need is some stability, some structure to my life. I don’t do well without it. A regular job would provide the necessary stability/structure I need. Money can’t really buy you a job. But money can buy you assistance getting one.

My main problem is the initial contact. Writing the cover letter and sending in a resume. I am great at the interview and follow up part. I have tried bulling myself into doing the initial work but every time it is a huge battle and I keep stalling out. A number of jobs opportunities have gone by that might have been good but I haven’t been able to do anything about it.

What I am thinking is paying someone for whom writing comes easy (I do numbers, not letters) and would send out cover letters and a copy of my resume from my professional email. If there are any hits, I can take care of that part. I am willing to pay someone for the work and even offer a percentage of my first paycheck.

Is there anyone interested?

jadecat9 was recently surprised to find out I had a cell phone. There have been others before her. To reduce the possibility of further shocks to the foundations of additional people’s understanding of The Gina, Yes, I have given in to the dark impulses and gotten a cell phone.

I could no longer resist after Comic Con where the only way to find your friends is to have mobile communication devices. It was just way too convenient. I have had it for months.

But I don’t treat it exactly the way others do. I don’t like the idea that someone could demand my attention at any time no matter what I am doing. I am usually reachable at my home number and that is where my stable voice mail is for messages. I check it regularly.

The main purpose of my cell phone is to allow me to contact others. It even keeps me from boredom in allowing me to talk to someone when I am on my way somewhere (for good or evil will still have to be decided). It is also so others can contact me if something is pre-arraigned. It has turned into my long distant phone and what I use for job contacts when I am out of town.

What this means is I don’t always have my cell phone on me. I don’t always have it turned on. My cell phone has the *delightful* little quirk of only telling me I have a call about two-fifths of the time and is usually much more happy to tell me I missed a call instead. I check the voice mail at irregular intervals. It is T-mobile and doesn’t get the greatest of reception in the Bay Area. I don’t broadcast the cell phone number. If you have a reason to have my cell phone number, I will be happy to give it to you. If you have a reason to have it, I probably have (or will) call you from the cell phone.

But, it is not a reliable way to get a hold of me. It just allows me to get a hold of you.

(This may all change in the future but this is the current philosophy)

There is a one day 9 panel Enneagram workshop Feb 25th in Sacto.

For the few of you that are interested in Enneagram workshops in the Bay Area (most of this information seems to be only for the first few months on 2006, I suggest checking the primary sites through out the year to see what else they might add):

Enneagram Worldwide (list of all their offerings)

Two things I recommend:

Typing Interviews
Jan 20 and Feb 1 2006 in Menlo Park. Free.
This is where people who are training to work with the Enneagram get a chance to practice on volunteers (those that show up for the interviews). It is free and you might get an idea what your type is.

Introduction to the Enneagram
March 25, 2006 Berkeley, CA. $90 by March 17; $100 after March 17
This is an one day, 10am – 5pm workshop that has panels of each type. You listen to how people grouped by type handle different situations and life. It gives a really interesting perspective on how people can see things differently. There is a good chance you will recognize the way you deal with things and that would be your type. For anyone interested in the enneagram and wanting to know more, I highly recommend this type of workshop.

For those near the Palo Alto area, there is the Foundation for Global Community enneagram classes.

They offer a lot of weekly evening classes. I am taking a study group workshop on the enneagram type 7 on mondays.

They offer a Basic Enneagram class and a Subtype class. I would be in the Subtype class if I wasn’t doing the 7 study group and willing to drive that far. There is a Enneagram Defense System one day class that I am thinking about.

There is also the Yuba River Enneagram Community in the Nevada City-Grass Valley area (which I think is too far for me but I might try it out later in the year).

And then there is the Enneagram Institute (the ones I have done my training through):
Their next class in the Bay Area is a Part one training in April. Intense, expensive, time consuming and I consider it more than worth it. I have been through it twice.

I am sure there is more out there but this is what I know of right now.

I am a bubbahead. I have this temp assignment and I can’t seem to get in on time. For the four days I have been here, I have been late every day. I was really really late yesterday (2 hrs).

On one hand, I am beating myself up over it so it will be important enough to change.
On the other hand, I can’t afford to keep beating myself up over it, that is taking me in a bad direction. (I am not calling because I feel so bad about it, I haven’t gotten any food because I feel badly about it, etc.)

I have a horrible time going to sleep at night and my dreams are so intense and realistic and deep that I am having a horrible time getting up in the morning. The dream world, while it isn’t that nice a place to be-these aren’t bad dreams but they aren’t good ones either, seems much more rich and real than reality. I think it is the richness and coherency. In the dream world, everything is there for a reason. In the Real World, everything seems to be a bunch of misc fractured things. (no, ren_wench, I am not saving the world this time but they are that intense.)

Part of the problem may be the Claritin I am taking at 3-4am when I wake up and can’t stand the poking/prickly feeling in the back of my throat. I think the problem is allergies. It is suppose to be non-drowsy but I am deeply asleep in the morning and fall right back to sleep in less than a second. So I will take it in the evening instead.

This is mostly to admit and own up to being a bubbahead and doing something that is detrimental to my ability to find work. Then maybe I won’t feel like I have to continue to beat myself up over it. Public accountability and all that.

I have been looking forward to going to Plaid Night at the Starry Plough for a couple of months. I confirmed last night that I would be unavailable Monday the 16th to make it to Plough and I am disappointed. To make me feel better, I am wearing five plaids today.

It is worth it though. I am taking a class thing called Study Group for Sevens, where we discuss the different aspects of the enneagram type seven. I get to find out just how different from the stereotype I really am. But it is Monday nights, in Palo Alto from 7:30pm to 9:30pm for 5 weeks starting last night. Pretty much kills any hope of making it to the Plough next monday.

Oh well, guess I will just have to save up for next year. Bwaaa haaa haaa.

I had my first dinner party Sunday night. I missed a Solstice Dinner at a friend’s house so I came up with the idea to invite her to a dinner. Since I need more space than my place has, C&K allowed me to take over their place. We ended up with 6 people total. I tried to elicit suggestions for food items and I found myself listing out the entire menu. That is when I figured out it was my dinner party and not something I was hosting with C&K. Since it was all mine, we had Gina type food.

The menu for the dinner was:
Rotisserie Chicken
Bread
Mac & Cheese
Green Bean Casserole
Tomatoes/cheese/spinach in a vinaigrette
Fried potatoes with Lipton Onion Soup mix

With the exception of the tomatoes, it even seemed to be following a color theme, white accented with brown.

Lately I noticed people listing the types of food they like: Indian, Thai, Sushi, *insert some other foreign food here*. With my food issues and restrictions, I don’t like most foreign food. I like basic American type food, but that isn’t really a type. Today I figured out how to list my type of food: Comfort Food, specifically Middle America Comfort Food.

Turns out, since it was my dinner, I couldn’t let anyone help me. I was surprised that I felt I needed to keep shooing people out of the kitchen. I wasn’t comfortable letting go of any of the preparation. I didn’t really cook anything, it was all at the level of prep cook. I am a good prep cook.

I don’t care to cook. I can. I will. I will even enjoy myself once in awhile. But it is like driving. If given the choice, I prefer being the passenger. I prefer no cooking.

Since I thought I made double the food needed, I was pleasantly surprised when there was little to no leftovers. I bought two chickens and there was one left and about a serving of green beans.

Good food, wonderful people. It was a success.

The Gina pulls her depression out of its nose dive. At least briefly

I have a job on Friday that should last for a little while (couple of days to a couple of weeks). I am covering for someone out on jury duty I am told.

Ah, Sweet Structure.