Monthly Archives: March 2004

Dark Sparkle again

The current plan is to go to Dark Sparkle on Wed March 31st. It will be at the DNA Lounge: 375 11th Street, San Francisco, $5 cover, starting at 10pm. That is when I plan to be there. I like opening the floor and getting people dancing. Fewer people to worry about hitting as I flail around. As before, I would love to have whoever would like to show up.

Sorry jadecat9, this isn’t a weekend show.

I am still waiting for the set list from March 17th. They have managed to get the 13th up so it is next. Weeeee. Asylum doesn’t seem to post set lists and I hope Dark Sparkle counts this as one of their shows and not just a guest spot to another club.

Communication is like Dancing

I wouldn’t have thought that Communication and Dancing and Gift Wrap would be connected in the follow way but the evidence is mounting.

I am a mediocre dancer. I am somewhat good but don’t really work at it or take classes to get better. On purpose. I find that being in the middle of my ability means I can dance with guys that don’t dance very well and with guys that are excellent dancers and everyone in between. If I got really good, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the not so great partners anymore and would end up limiting my pool of potential partners. And I like to dance so I don’t want to do that. Ergo, no working on getting better.

I am finding something very similar with communication today. Lately, I seem to be on a run with good, in-depth communication. Have even gotten complements on my ability to throw the needed rocks at people and do it in a way that is not hateful/harmful and allows for growth in the situation. I have been able to eloquently get my ideas across and things have been good. Today, I am finding that if my initial attempt with this new model of communication doesn’t work (could be because the other person isn’t very good at communication or that they just think differently and the translation isn’t happening), then I am stuck. I use to be able to step back and come in a different way but now I just seem to sputter and am at a loss of what else I could say.

It just occurred to me that this happened with wrapping gifts too. I use to be able to wrap anything and had beautiful creations. Then I got a job as a professional gift wrapper. Now, I need a box. Pretty hopeless if I don’t have one.

Maybe these all fit under the larger category of skills. When you get really good at something, you lose your ability to be flexible. Specialize verses Generalize? Or is it when you get really good at something, you can’t deal with the low level stuff anymore?

A turning point

I am done.

I expect and demand equal respect. I am reducing the respect I show to the level of respect I have received. I am tired of putting his needs/wants ahead of my own and not being taken care of in return. Someone pointed out that I have been/am looking at this as being a victim. I am only as much a victim as I allow myself to be. I have waited too long in hopes of something good. That hope is gone. It is way past time for me to be thinking of me first. I use to be good at quiting. It is time to dust off those abilities.

I quit.

Dark Sparkle/Asylum

Well, it ended up with no one able to go with me so I do what I normally do, go on my own.

It was a fun night. I love the music. I am eagerly awaiting the posting of the playlist because there was music from bands I do know but songs I don’t know. I really like the guy that did the spinning, I am guessing it was Rick A. Mortis. The Cherry Bar was small (formerly the CW Saloon for those that had been there). There were not many people. It reminded me of New Wave City from years ago before it got popular.

I danced and I danced, even when I was the only one on the floor. I haven’t danced that much since probably the 80s (or at least that is what my memory is telling me). I crashed at 12:30 and had to head home. Next time, I will remember to take food, Snapple, a chill scarf and I think ear plugs. I could hear the music so much better if my ears were plugged. The place even had a nice back room with couches lit by red Xmas lights. I spent some time back there resting up.

If you are interested in what I ended up wearing (and for those of you that bailed, this is what you missed) :)
going dancing
looks cool with the hat
I like this hat, Argggg

It was enough fun that I am planning on doing it again. This last event was a mix of Dark Sparkle and Asylum so I don’t know which was responsible for the stuff I liked so much. The next Dark Sparkle is March 30th. I have already requested April 1st off so I can dance myself into the ground. The next Asylum is April 21st. Anyone care to join me?

Communication (polymusings)

Following the trend of mertuil, here is something I have been thinking of. Writing this stuff without it being in an active conversation is hard, so much of this stuff doesn’t make it to the journal.

When I first looked into the concepts of polyamory, there were no real instructions/guidelines except every person I asked repeated over and over the importance of communication. I don’t know if I am poly or not, the concept makes sense and I have no problem with it but I may not be wired for it. One thing I am keeping is the communication model. It is useful no matter what type of relationship, beneficial for monogamy and required for poly.

I look at it as a cleansing wash. If everything is fine, it is like washing your hands, getting rid of build up. If the relationship has gotten nicked or damaged, as all relationships do, then it washes out the scratch and lets it heal cleanly.

There is an aspect to poly that I don’t think many people consider. When is a relationship over and when does the communication stop? Because the poly community I am around is so inbred, there is so much inter-dating and shared friends, I pose the idea that when you break up with someone, the relationship isn’t over, it has just changed from a romantic one to something different. The type of communication changes but it is still just as necessary.

A break up can be like a deep wound. At the time of injury, it make sense for the communication to take a back seat to trying to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. Once things have settled somewhat, then it is important to reopen the lines of communication. If not, then the wound can become infected and become a pus filled blister. Lancing it hurts but in the long run, it is better for it. Extreme cases of lack of communication can lead to amputation where the two parties don’t talk to each other and friends have to choose which ones they will see at any particular time. Any of these are bad for all those around the involved parties.

License plate

So, I didn’t get around to taking a day off to stand at the DMV to insert a vanity plate request and my new license plates arrived yesterday. I kind like my luck of the draw this time. It is the easiest to remember than any plate I have ever had.


Now I am debating getting SRNTY 9 later or just sticking with what the universe has handed me.