I wouldn’t have thought that Communication and Dancing and Gift Wrap would be connected in the follow way but the evidence is mounting.
I am a mediocre dancer. I am somewhat good but don’t really work at it or take classes to get better. On purpose. I find that being in the middle of my ability means I can dance with guys that don’t dance very well and with guys that are excellent dancers and everyone in between. If I got really good, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the not so great partners anymore and would end up limiting my pool of potential partners. And I like to dance so I don’t want to do that. Ergo, no working on getting better.
I am finding something very similar with communication today. Lately, I seem to be on a run with good, in-depth communication. Have even gotten complements on my ability to throw the needed rocks at people and do it in a way that is not hateful/harmful and allows for growth in the situation. I have been able to eloquently get my ideas across and things have been good. Today, I am finding that if my initial attempt with this new model of communication doesn’t work (could be because the other person isn’t very good at communication or that they just think differently and the translation isn’t happening), then I am stuck. I use to be able to step back and come in a different way but now I just seem to sputter and am at a loss of what else I could say.
It just occurred to me that this happened with wrapping gifts too. I use to be able to wrap anything and had beautiful creations. Then I got a job as a professional gift wrapper. Now, I need a box. Pretty hopeless if I don’t have one.
Maybe these all fit under the larger category of skills. When you get really good at something, you lose your ability to be flexible. Specialize verses Generalize? Or is it when you get really good at something, you can’t deal with the low level stuff anymore?
Funny, I find that it takes a really good dancer to dance with people of all levels. and I just had a private lesson last night because while we can both do certain things (swingout etc.) with good dancers, we have difficulty doing them with each other.
I find that it takes a lot more skill to dance with a beginner than someone advanced. I actually take pride in my ability to dance with most beginners. Mind you, I can do east coast swing with , it’s just the more difficult steps I have problems with, specifically because I’m not a better dancer.
I think that many mid-level dancers unfairly limit themselves by not dancing with beginners. The challenges are different, but in many ways the rewards of helping a beginner dance well are even greater.
It sounds to me that you’ve increased your skills in narrow areas, but let them atrophy in others. You’ve gotten well at communicating with some people, and wrapping gifts in a certain way, but have gotten out of practice in the wider scope.
Is isn’t so much if I can dance with people of poor dancing ability/knowledge, it is that I get frustrated and don’t want to dance with them.
Also, I think part of our different perceptions could very well be based in the fact that you are a lead and I fit in the roll of a follower. If I can give my partner instruction on how to do it better, it usually isn’t so bad. But since most of my dancing is at social events, and you typically partner for one dance at these things, it is a little hard to express improvements without insulting their ability. Most men/leaders don’t ask for help, they just push along with what they know. If I try to help, it usually means I am back leading.
I do dance with beginners. I will admit I am very shy about asking someone to dance that I don’t know and most of the people I know at these things aren’t beginners but evey now and then I do. And I teach while doing it. It is ok, but I prefer to just dance and move. I love dancing with people near my own level. I adore dancing with those that are excellent dancers but don’t get to very often, they are in high demand.
The point I was trying to make about getting more advanced in these different areas is that my way of looking at things has changed. It isn’t that a skill has atrophied, it is that I don’t see things the old way and have lost the skills that particular perception resulted in. Or the tolerance that results from not being so good in an area. I am sure you have trouble dealing with poor drivers on the track that you didn’t use to notice when you were first racing.