Monthly Archives: March 2003

Sleep, perchance to dream

This started as a comment on mertuil‘s site but I decided that since it relates to my job and my attitude about it, the post should be a friends only post. So, it goes here.

I haven’t been happy with my job for at least the last six months. They changed my job to focus on one of the things I do well and that is it. I do it well and then I do it again, and again, and again. I miss the variety and I am so bored/frustrated/angry that it is starting to spill out emotionally at work in inappropriate ways. I now spend my time at work trying to avoid thinking about things that might set me off and I pay the price for that suppression in other places. I don’t do well that way but that is the only way I have to continue to be functional.

The problem (and I know it is hard to believe it is a problem) is that they love me. I have, IMHO, not been behaving in a good way at work and they don’t think it is that big of a problem, that I will get over it. They worked hard to make sure I still have a job in the new structure. Unfortunately, it is even more focused on what I do now and the things that were suggested to add variety months ago are even farther away with the new set up. I don’t like where I am and there is no where for me to move forward to. If they did away with my job, I would at least have a severance package.

I want to quit, but I feel like I am just being whiny. It is actually physically painful. I know the things that drive me nuts here wouldn’t bother me at a new place because I wouldn’t be settled in. I know how to adapt to the new. All I feel here is what I am loosing. The only things I am gaining is getting to keep what I already have, like a paycheck and internet access.

And lately, friends have been loosing their jobs to layoffs, quitting and doing stupid things they got in trouble for. Others are underemployed. It would be dumb for me to quit but I feel very trapped in a bad situation. It wouldn’t be bad for someone else but it is for me. Which makes me feel even more worthless and whiney. I want to go, but that would be stupid so I should stay but I hate being here so I should go but… Welcome to my treadmill.

I am normally an option person and I can’t really see any that don’t just make everything worse. I believe they are out there, I just can’t see them.

But I am sleeping just fine, unlike everyone else. It is the waking hours that border the land of nightmares.


*edit note* I have disallowed comments because while these problems probably seems trivial to others, it is a source of pain for me. So I don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t acknowledges that. So, I choose not to hear anything at all.


Quotes don’t normally stick with me but I hit two while reading Quotable Quotes in the Feb Reader’s Digest that I like enough I want to hang on to them and share.

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. -Yves Saint Laurnet in Woman’s wear Daily

Flirting is conversational chemistry.
-Isaac Mizrahi in O: The Oprah magazine.

These seem to fit into the feeling I get around the Plough.

Lemmings ho!

Everyone is doing it so I am too. I just want to be one of the crowd. OK it is a specialize and select crowd, but still…

You are 51% geek

You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you’ll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you’re a technical geek, you’ll be able to afford it, too. If you’re not a technical geek, you’re geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don’t date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You’ll constantly try to out-geek the other

Take the Polygeek Quiz at

I would have thought I would fall into the social geek level but I squeaked into the True Geek level. And it is true that I am geek enough to fix the html code from the copy/paste. It didn’t want to work. I shall make it work. Bwahaaahaaa

Brezsny’s Horoscope

This is the horoscope for this week

Writer Michael Tortorello has complained about the “national delight deficit.” My friend Lanny bemoans the public’s shrinking attention span for stories about joyful events and satisfying breakthroughs. I myself have marveled at the pathological tendency of many educated people to equate cynicism with intelligence. It’s in the context of this stupefying collective addiction to dank moods that I give you your assignment, Scorpio: You, more than any other sign of the zodiac, are now primed to harvest an abundance of pleasure, mirth, and fun. Please don’t keep it all to yourself; try to infect everyone you meet.

Hmmm, I am still in my guaranteed three weeks of my reign as Ms. Drunk on Life. So I get to combine an abundance of pleasure, mirth, and fun with learning new tricks about the art of being intelligently wild, right?

Anyone care to be infected?

You could join me on a trip to Sugar’s Isle of Bliss.

Cross reference Lois

I just looked up some info to post as a reply to sandpanther‘s blog. But I want this info in an easy spot for me so here it is.

I just checked the Bujold Nexus and the anthology Irresistible Forces is due out in Feb 2004. Publisher is NAL/Roc and the editor is Catherine Asaro. It will include stories by Jo Beverley and Mary Jo Putney.
whaaa, want it now.

The sequel to The Curse of Chalion, which is titled Paladin of Souls is due out fall of 2003.

Need. More. Lois.