This started as a comment on mertuil‘s site but I decided that since it relates to my job and my attitude about it, the post should be a friends only post. So, it goes here.

I haven’t been happy with my job for at least the last six months. They changed my job to focus on one of the things I do well and that is it. I do it well and then I do it again, and again, and again. I miss the variety and I am so bored/frustrated/angry that it is starting to spill out emotionally at work in inappropriate ways. I now spend my time at work trying to avoid thinking about things that might set me off and I pay the price for that suppression in other places. I don’t do well that way but that is the only way I have to continue to be functional.

The problem (and I know it is hard to believe it is a problem) is that they love me. I have, IMHO, not been behaving in a good way at work and they don’t think it is that big of a problem, that I will get over it. They worked hard to make sure I still have a job in the new structure. Unfortunately, it is even more focused on what I do now and the things that were suggested to add variety months ago are even farther away with the new set up. I don’t like where I am and there is no where for me to move forward to. If they did away with my job, I would at least have a severance package.

I want to quit, but I feel like I am just being whiny. It is actually physically painful. I know the things that drive me nuts here wouldn’t bother me at a new place because I wouldn’t be settled in. I know how to adapt to the new. All I feel here is what I am loosing. The only things I am gaining is getting to keep what I already have, like a paycheck and internet access.

And lately, friends have been loosing their jobs to layoffs, quitting and doing stupid things they got in trouble for. Others are underemployed. It would be dumb for me to quit but I feel very trapped in a bad situation. It wouldn’t be bad for someone else but it is for me. Which makes me feel even more worthless and whiney. I want to go, but that would be stupid so I should stay but I hate being here so I should go but… Welcome to my treadmill.

I am normally an option person and I can’t really see any that don’t just make everything worse. I believe they are out there, I just can’t see them.

But I am sleeping just fine, unlike everyone else. It is the waking hours that border the land of nightmares.

Bah.

*edit note* I have disallowed comments because while these problems probably seems trivial to others, it is a source of pain for me. So I don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t acknowledges that. So, I choose not to hear anything at all.