Monthly Archives: January 2004


Many people on my friend’s list seem to be going through heavy stuff or coming to some serious realizations. So to be different, mine is all fluff. (Honestly, I have been wanting to blog about this and almost didn’t because it seemed so serious out there today.)

I got laundry done last night. I have been trying to do this since before Xmas. I got one load of blacks done at Xmas-time. Two loads of whites were done as an experiment with bleach on Sunday. The dirty clothes have been riding around in my car since Sunday. 10 loads later (6 regular, 4 double loads) and $25 later, I have clean clothes again!!!

Ok, I still had clean clothes but my favorites where in the pile. I have a lot of clothes. I like the fact that I have a lot of clothes. Clothes is just another word for Costumes and my costume ability has been extended back to its full range. Today, I am being Gray Victorian. I am wearing black and white plaid pants, grey argyle socks, a black/white/grey patterned shirt, a dark charcoal striped vest. I call it Victorian because all the clashing patterns.

Plough post

Not a lot of time to post today so this is just a quickly to mark that I had a fun time at Plough last night. For awhile now I have been going because I have an ok time with a few bright moments and geeze, I live so close — it is silly for me not to go, and it is good for me. Last night, I had a great time. I was able to dance 4 (yes that is FOUR) dances in a row (ok, I did one of the reel-a-thon, but I did do it). I got to waltz with great guys. I got to socialize. I got complements on my outfit, which I really like. I got attention. I got to see a lot of people I think are really cool. I did quite a bit of bouncing from person to person and there wasn’t much depth but that is what I do at social events like plough. And I do it so well.

Today is not nearly as bright and it is hard to remember how much fun I had last night so I wanted to not it in this here journal to remind me later.

And we are FUBARed again

Another spoke on my Wheel of Life has just gone sproing.

I was suppose to go to another Enneagram training Jan 23-29. I have carved the time out of my schedule, got vacation for it, have set up many thing to take care of beforehand. My dad was providing this for me. I trusted him to take care of it. I was wrong. Again. I called last night because I haven’t heard anything and found out it is all messed up. It actually starts tomorrow. We are swamped at work and I have been working my butt off to make the time to take of next week. There is no way I can make it happen this week. He tried to set it up but he is busy so he left it in the hands of the enneagram people. They thought they were waiting to hear from him. Nobody let me know this is going on so I could get involved, get the needed information or make something happen.

So, I have been hurt by my dad again. He offered me something I really want and it has fallen through partly due to inaccurate information he gave me and partly because of his inactions. This is something that has happened over and over in my relationship with him to a point that I stopped talking to him in ’96. We have cleared that up and over the last 3 years have had surprisingly good communication and a good relationship. He has given me a lot and I am grateful we can talk. There was one time in the last year where he was the only person I had to turn to. There were issues with every other important person in my life at the time. It was kinda scary because he can hurt me so easily by just not paying attention and giving me information I need.

He has a tendency to get you to trust him. He will make it work. He is good at that. Then he gets distracted, busy, involved in something else and things drop through the cracks. Things that you were counting on because he said you could. Things that you incorporate into your life and call foundations. Things that disappear because he has changed something and didn’t think to let you know. And you are not allowed to be angry with him because these were gifts he was giving you and he won’t accept being blamed for something he didn’t do. He gets enough grief for the things he does do. I can see his point but…

In the past, I have just given up on anything he had to offer. “Yes, dad, that is really neat and wonderful but I don’t want it.” There have been times when I have had to close off dealing with him because this setting me up and letting me drop when I counted on it has hurt so bad. One year, I tried to call him but all his phone numbers had shifted and now I get some business partner of his in Wyoming. I had thought we were past this but it look like it is inherent in our life strategies. This time, after a friend talked me down, I was able to put together a structure where I might be able to use his words to show him what the effect of what he is doing/not doing has. And I thing I know a possible solution. It is all about information flow. If I knew this was coming, I could have been involved. If I didn’t trust him to take care of everything, it would have been better. But is it so hard not to trust your Dad not to take care of everything when he says he will. Maybe if we can get to an understanding, he will see his limits and stop saying he will take care of it and let me take some of it on.

I am hurt, frustrated, lost, angry, sad, hopeful. And I have no idea what I am going to do the weekend of Jan 24-25. I keep getting told this happened for a reason. And that reason would be what?

Car plate options

Well, I hit my head against the wall a couple of more times and have options for Serenity license plate.


The number 9 has a lot of significance in my life right now so maybe that is why it is used/available.

The reason I have come back to this is because I really want Serenity for a couple of reasons. One is because it is going to be an SD Hearse (peace of the grave). The other is a Firefly reference for the spaceship Serenity and the battle at Serenity.

Any thoughts/reactions?

Error Haiku

This is dedicated to sandpanther.
I got one of those funny emails that travel the net this morning and I love it so much I can’t help but share it. I am sure some of you have seen this already, but for those of you that haven’t…

Here are some actual error messages seen on computer screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku.

Aren’t these better than “your computer has performed an illegal operation” or “page cannot be displayed?”

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you
have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

A crash reduces your
expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Screen. Mind.
Both are blank.

more behind the cut

Financial speed bumps.

Well, finances are beginning to get all FUBARed.

Had a talk with my therapist, the end result of a long story I am skipping, my once a week sessions are going from $85 to $115. This results in at least an additional $120 a month for what I have been getting. I haven’t been all that happy with what I have already been getting but it has had some good stuff and there has been a 3 year investment here.

I have been trying to figure out where in my budget I can carve out the additional $110 I need for my new car and now it looks like it should go to therapy. Arrgggg.

The therapist did a really poor job with the news and to me, I feel it is the final straw that broke the camel’s back. That he no longer suits my needs and I need to look elsewhere. I don’t like this but I decided last night that this is the path I am choosing.

Today at work, we got notice that the office move is back on. This is the thing that was going to make me quit. Since then, I have managed to make my job more palatable but I was pretty hard-core about when it was first presented. They want us to move to a floor that has TVs all over and running all day. I am a TVidiot and get sucked in no matter what is on. I consider it a hostile work environment. It is still up in the air but my job is in jeopardy over this.

Is now the right time to be buying a new car?

I think I am putting it off til next weekend to see where these issues lie after they have time to sink in.

Pisser, I was really wanting to get moving on this.

Good news is that I checked with my credit union and I have another pre-approved loan at 3.9% until Feb 4. It will be tight but if the car doesn’t take too much more than 2 weeks to get here, it should be fine.

New Car

I am planning on buying a new car. I have never bought new and thought I never would but since this car started existing in 2004, new it is. The concept is to get a black one and trick it out like a Hearse.

I have stalled for a couple of months now, letting this idea simmer. I am actually moving forward now. This is a big move for me.

Last Sat, I went for a test drive. It was a manual which would be ok. I think my pride and that sense of power/control is what keeps me wanting a stick. But with a manual, my friends can drive it. And it makes so much more sense in the SF area.

Today, I transfered my $3,000 CD back into my checking account. The money will be there tomorrow. Had to do it today because it was at the end of its grace period and I would have to wait another 30 days for the next one or take a month’s interest penalty, something like $1.40 hit, ouch. :}

I talked to my credit union and I am pre-approved for a car loan up to $35,000 at 3.9%. I need $10,000. And it ends Jan 8th. Tomorrow. The car takes two weeks to show up. Hopefully it will roll over into another pre-approval. If not, we have to do the credit check thing and I don’t know what that will do to the interest rate. I will find out Friday.

I have the $1,000 to put down as a down payment. The car payments will be around $180 a month. The insurance will be $30 more a month. I have no idea what taxes, license and fees are going to run me. Ouch. The car will be $15,020. I would actually pay money not to have all the extra crap they can add on. I like the base model pretty much as is.

I wanted the license plate to read Serenity (SERENTY, SRNTY, SERNTY, SRNITY) but these appear to all be taken. So back to my original plan of X 00001. Point for those that recognize it, you gotta be pretty geeky to get it. I expect sandpanther will have the best shot.

So what else am I missing? I am set to buy the car this weekend if I want.

My car’s registration runs out in Feb and it needs to be smogged. The blue book (1991 Mazda 323, 156,000 miles) for it is $470 dealer trade-in, $950 private sale. It is a good little car, hardly has ever needed maintenance, cosmetically not so great but adequate. Anyone want to take a chance on it? I would fill you in on every quirk I know about it, if you are interested.