“Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm”
Over a couple of years, I have been working on approaching the concept of actually living through the pain in my life instead of shunting it away from me. This started out with the concept of actually dealing with grief instead of side-stepping it. In the last year, I have been whapped with some serious emotional pain (five times so far that I can think of). Times when it didn’t have to be that hard but due to decisions (of mine and others involved), miscommunication, the randomness of the universe, what happened was one of the more painful of the possible options. Not only have I survived (my old self would have been convinced I wouldn’t), I have had tremendous growth because of these events. It is like thinking your legs are too weak and finding out that you can actually stand up. Things that had been overlooked were brought to the forefront and actually worked on. Issues in relationships that had been ignored or avoided have been cleared up and deeper connections have been made. I am able to see value in places that was devoid of value before. If the “correct” choices had been made and things didn’t go as badly as they did, I would have continued along like I have in the past and missed the incredible opportunities to grow. It is like getting a small allowance and missing an opportunity to gain a large jackpot.
I will admit I resent this pain. I resent the fact that it needs to be that bad to get the good. I resent some of the connections it has created because it makes life harder. I am committed to working harder than I was before. I am scared of the value I am placing on things that make no sense to me. But it is worth it. I go in kicking and screaming but I still go in. I give thanks for this horrible pain. I appreciate the fact that I didn’t get what I needed when I needed it so that things blew up. Because if it weren’t for these bad things, I wouldn’t have gotten the benefits. My life has much more depth and value that it ever did before. And I almost don’t resent that.
It is frustrating that the cliches of good things follow bad things prove to be true. I am grateful to be going through this. Damn it.
These aren’t quite what I am talking about but they fit in the same category and are very common:
That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger
Every cloud has a silver lining
No pain, no gain
Every adversity is an opportunity in disguise
For every door that closes, another opens
These are closer:
It has to get worse, before it gets better
The sharper is the berry, the sweeter is the wine
The Royal Air Force Motto, ” Per Ardua ad Astra”=Through difficulties to the stars
And the best one I have found so far:
“Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel…”William Shakespeare
(see what happens when I run out of book while on bart)
I hear ya. It was painful for me to face going back to school, and there was a heckuva lot of hard work towards the end, but I’m a happier person for doing it. I know that what you’re going through is a whole lot worse than what I went through, and I’m hoping that means that coming out the other side will be sweeter as well.
And fire helps to regrow the forests.
Change can be painful and traumatic, but it always brings in good. Whatever was meant to happen, is meant to happen, if that makes any sense.
I’m glad you’re working through things. It helps to confront them head on, versus hiding them. In this way, YOU take responsibility for what is to come, and YOU have the choice to make things happen….instead of just letting things happen.
Heroes aren’t fools who jump headlong into the foray without a second thought. Only fools do that.
Heroes are those who go in, despite their fears, trepidations, and the pain.
Hate to contradict you but change does not always bring in good. Sometime it does, sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes you can choose. I have a lot of experience inducing change when stability would be the better outcome and a lot of experience going through bad change.
As for facing it head on, there is a quote of out a book I have read recently (Contrarywise), “Change or be changed.” I repeat this when I face change. Either I can go with it and help chose my outcome or I can fight it and have the outcome forced on me.
Haven’t posted or read anyone else’s posts for a long time. I saw you’d responded to mine a while back & thought I’d catch up on yours. I’m very glad I did!!! I’ve been on LOA from work (stupid female stuff), but will soon have to return to the horrid biatches I’m trapped in a room with! If it’s OK with you, I’d like to copy ‘the usefulness of pain’ onto a piece of paper I will carry with me when I have to go face the beasts again. Seriously, these people are THAT evil! But with the help of YOUR words, they won’t be able to make me go do somethin’ stupid! It is true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…..It’s the “what doesn’t kill us” part I worry about when I’m actually going through the nastiness life can be. I’m very glad that you seem to be in a pretty darn good place right now…..And I’m very thankful that you “ran out of book”!
I am glad this was useful for you and I am glad you let me know. Feedback like this makes posting this stuff easier. I consider the stuff I post to be public domain. As long as you don’t abuse it, you are welcome to do whatever with it.