It sure doesn’t take much to pop my happy bubble. Just something not going quite right has a larger than appropriate effect on my ability to enjoy things.

On the good side, there are happy bubbles. Those were really rare.

Today I got up on my own, with no one else on my schedule until 6pm.
I got dressed in 80s overalls and spray painted one side of a shelf I want to be white.
To clear out the area I was going to paint in, I took out my two loads of trash and my boxes.
While that was drying, I took my car in to get an overdue oil change.
While that has happening, I went for a walk to get a slice of pizza and talked to a friend I haven’t spoken with for over a year.
Once I got the car back, I drove it a block and got it smogged.
Then I drove it two blocks so Big O could rotate my tires. After waiting half an hour in the waiting room getting colder and colder, they gave me my keys back because they weren’t going to be able to get to it in time.
I came home and made pasta and sauce to scarf down (also brought in the now dry shelf, painting the other side will have to wait for another dry not windy day).
I made it to therapy where I babbled and don’t think I got much out of it.
I skipped dance class because cute guy was going to miss it and my feet hurt from the long walk (little over a mile) in crappy shoes. I minced around the apartment when I made dinner because the bottom of my feet stung.
Was checking FB, email and such when the DSL starting having issue.
Tried to go to sleep but the body nor the mind was having any of it.
Got up and rewired the DSL to troubleshoot. If I take everything out of the phone line but DSL, it is ok. I now have cords/cables strung across the apartment and will probably catch them with my feet sooner or later.
All caught up on FB.

Plans for tomorrow are not going smoothly. I have two agencies that need my I9 paperwork. When I am in the City, I get a chance to go to lunch with a dear friend, it is the only time we see each other. I am trying to coordinate with another friend I really want to see for dinner and a movie before he has practice and I come home. The annoying bit is that he and I have different preferences and the communication isn’t working so well. Also I am going to be going back and forth between two areas at different times. I need to be near Civic Center before 5pm and then that is where we are also going after the movie which is at 3pm. After the movie it will be too late. Before the movie, I go to civic center, go to movie place, back to civic center, back home. It always bugs me to retrace my steps. Not sure why it bugs me soooo much. Probably because my happy bubble is busted and small bugs become big bugs.

Also, the second place that needs my I9 paperwork doesn’t want me to come in tomorrow. How about next week? It costs about $10 to go into the City so I want to milk it for as much as I can. I would like to go on Fridays so I can attend FyDySyFy. So, I could just set it up for a week from Friday… Nope, I will be in AZ at that time. So it is either the beginning of next week, or mid week after, or if I want to keep it to Friday, two weeks from this Friday. I doubt me getting it in early will result in any work but delaying it seems to be asking the Universe to not bother handing me anything. In a way I don’t want it to hand me anything because AZ will be enough. But I don’t want to stop the flow I have going.

Ah… to be the narrator of my own story or better yet, to be the reader. To have enough objectivity to see the paths that lay before and around me and choose the best one without being confused and distracted by all the stuff messing with me. I was hoping things would be wonderful, sort of expecting things to be smooth and fall into place, it looked like they would, only to find that there are all these sharp rocks to climb over and get scratched by. It looked so smooth and should be smooth. The right path is a smooth one. It isn’t easy, but it falls into place in front of your feet. If you are in tune. I feel out of tune. I feel sharp. Disharmonious.

Mom’s surgery is March 15th. Part of me wants to do the I Told You dance because I figured her appointment on March 9th would result in surgery days later and by picking the weekend of the 20th, I would be there a little after the surgery (she said she would rather have help afterwards than the support during). But I also am out of touch with mom. Her computer isn’t connecting to the internet so she has a window at the library for emails. She doesn’t hear her cell phone and it costs $0.25 per minute, and I am not suppose to call her hotel after 10pm (it is family run and they have to answer the phone and transfer it). I didn’t get her message until late. She also sent me something that got me very upset and fighting with my instincts. It isn’t her fault but she triggered something. In telling her she triggered something, she got somewhat defensive in a way that triggers me more. So I wrote out what I had worked out that was going on in the battlefield of my mind and I have heard from her so far is that she printed it out and will read it at the hotel. That was last night. Normally I could let this go and just wait to talk to her. But my bubble is busted and I got a short message from her about her surgery and I am all …what is the word for the reverse direction maternal? I wanna talk to my mommy! Just to make sure we are on a good page and settle down the options on what status we are at. I want to hug my mommy because she got told by the doctor she is having surgery. This is all my inner voice because surgery is a big deal and it is projecting that onto her. She has been wanting and pushing for surgery so she is probably fine with it all and grateful it has been scheduled.

No big drama, just little things that are under my skin. When the happy bubble surrounded me, everything looked great and things would be fine. A real optimistic point of view. With it busted, things look dingy, rough and like a lot of work to clean up to be usable. More of a realistic to pessimistic point of view. I “normal” (from over two years ago and showing up now and again since then) point of view is things look like the pessimistic one but my confidence in walking over the rough spots is high so it evens out to a realistic view.

I want my happy bubble back.