Now that it is the next day, I am doing even better. Still sucks but my reactions and feelings are more inline with the actual issue rather than at the top end of the scale like they were yesterday.

I think this was the kick in the butt something in me has been looking for. Hopefully I will be able to work with it so I don’t have to do this again. I woke up this morning with three different options of which direction to go in. One has been ruled out, thinking on the others.

I had been pretty unmotivated at work for awhile and today it is starting to feel good not to have to go back in. It was such a better fit than any previous job, I felt I had to love it and enjoy being there. The things I normally got dinged for in past jobs were the thing things this placed liked about me. But I guess something wasn’t fitting right somehow, otherwise I wouldn’t have been as unmotivated as I was. And I couldn’t admit to it because I insisted to myself that it was so perfect for me. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great job and it is a great company. I am just thinking that I couldn’t see what might really be going on with me because I didn’t allow any room for any negatives.

I had forgotten the Gina-quirk of feeling things soooooo much when they first happen and that they tapper off and I approach a reasonable level of feeling after the first rush. I am still scared. I don’t know what I am going to do for work. I really shot myself in the foot with a really good place to work. I am hoping I can work some good out of it, for myself, for them and if I get lucky for others as well.

I have some work to do on myself and this might be the time and space to do just that. No idea what and I hate not knowing. But stepping forward is part of the process.