Sticking this hear so I have a time stamp on it.
I will be upping my meds today. Didn’t take any yesterday, not morning not evening dose.
But something seems to have shifted in me before the meds.
Noticed a pattern about a friend who puts what she does for others as a higher priority than what she does for herself. How she abuses herself to fulfil a commitment to herself, doesn’t give herself room so as not to abuse herself and how I have gotten abused as part of the process because I am willing to show up and help putting me on the same level as herself. No judgement, just the beginning of seeing a pattern that I suspect will show light on similarities in how I have set up my life.

How making changes as an adult doesn’t work because they require demanding your own way and that only works as a child. Trying to grow the tropical plant version of yourself after being planted in a desert for years surrounded by things that work for cactus but not for orchids. Trying to bring in tropical influences and watching them fail because the rest of the support structure isn’t there. How to bring new blossoms into a life without totally transplanting oneself. The value of making space for what you want to arrive in your life instead of collecting it first and making room later. Or collecting it first to get enough that it can support itself when it does arrive. ???

Partial thoughts that need work. But still before the med change. Don’t want one to be credited for the other if that isn’t the case. It might just be time and the thoughts and the meds showed up together to support one another.