The Bloggess and depression

The Bloggess posted a serious post about depression (http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on/). I felt the need to comment and I wanted to keep a copy of what I said.

I have been fighting bouts of depression for almost 30 years. It has defined about a third to half my life. I hide it really well, this is how I handle getting through it. I can seem very upbeat and energetic and enthusiastic in the middle of deep depressions. People don’t have a clue. I have been openly talking about it for at least a decade. I am working hard to learn new ways to cope, to actually not have it define my life. But with learning new things I am not very good at them so I am not escaping my depression as well. My big problem right now is knowing when I am actually depressed and it is a mountain to move so I shouldn’t try to force it because the cost is days of inability to move afterwards or when I am just being lazy and don’t want to get up and if I actually do push past the resistance, the day brightens up and gets better.

I have disconnected from a lot of friends and events because it has been hard to keep up on them and I am tired of disappointing people and flaking. I have stopped asking for help as often because the help I have gotten was good at the moment but hasn’t had lasting effect and is losing its ability to even do that much anymore. I have been stuck in this bout for at least 3 years. Intellectually I know I have gotten better but I feel like I am in the same place and I am coming up on a pit. But I keep trying. Sometimes I give in and wallow and rest and the next time I push I have more strength. But I have loads of self-hate for what I feel I should be able to do even though I know better.

There is a blogger on LJ called theferrett who wrote about his struggle and I found the post to be very inspiring (http://theferrett.livejournal.com/298424.html). He puts forth that those that face depression and suicide and come out the other side are Heroes. They have gone through mighty battles and survived. I think your post and his work together well. Thank you for sharing your ideas and bring this sort of thing into the light for so many people. ,/i>

One thought on “The Bloggess and depression

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>