A lot of times I feel I can clearly see the point of views of both sides of an estranged couple and it is obvious why there is a problem. I may not agree with a point of view but I can see where they are coming from. I will try to explain to one side how the other side is not the way s/he is thinking they are, that they are making judgments and assumptions that are more based on his/er values rather than on the other person’s values and have it all wrong. In some cases it is like watching paint hit a wall and slide off of it without leaving a mark. It is soooo frustrating. I don’t mind if they don’t understand or agree with the other point of view. It is the unwavering attitude that they are right about the other person’s motivations and it can’t be otherwise. I would be happy with a “well, that doesn’t make sense to me but I will grant that I probably don’t know why they do what they do.” I would be tickled if I managed to get them to see how they could be projecting their own stuff onto the other. But nope, in these cases, it doesn’t matter what I say or how I say it or what evidence I bring to bare, s/he stays convinced that the actions of the other person is for certain motivations. I feel like banging my head against said wall because I can see how many more problems are going to arise out of this lack of empathy for both parties. I also feel my ability to communicate is failing.

My attitude is one of the main reasons they aren’t working as a couple is because they don’t understand where the other one is coming from.

What I wonder is those that seem to be able to hear the different point of view or at least consider that there is a different point of view that is just as valid even if it isn’t understandable, are they just humoring me so I will shut up about it? Or do they really get it?

Also, I wonder how I am when I am upset and angry at someone I cared about. Do I have the same sort of blind spot where I can’t allow another point of view to exist or give it any validity. I can see where it would be a survival mechanism. It would be very important during the heat of an argument but months and years later, it should be able to be released for your own sake, never mind the past other. How can you understand what really went on and how to grow from it if you don’t allow things to be different than your kneejerk reaction.

I think I have the ability to accept that others have valid points of view that aren’t mine when I am on the opposite side. It would be sad if it turns out that I am deluding myself and I am a wall that paint doesn’t stick to either.