I don’t have a problem with someone falling asleep while I am talking. As long as I know it is happening.
I had a boyfriend that would fall asleep while I was talking at night and start to snore. That let me know it was time to stop talking. I appreciated it. Years after we went our separate ways, I was talking to him on the phone and didn’t hear anything from him after I was done. When I called out his name a few times, he answered like nothing was wrong. He had learned to fall asleep quietly in class and act like nothing had happened. It hurt a lot and really put a dent in my trust of just talking to him.
I think it ties into me only talking when people what to hear what I have to say. If someone is falling asleep on me, that means they are more tired than they are interested in what I am saying and I want to stop talking and let them have their sleep. I really do not want to be telling someone something they aren’t interested in. If they really are interested and their body is just taking over, I will suggest they get some sleep and I will tell them later. If people are bored with what I am saying, my throat closes of the words and I stop having anything to say.
I am the same way.
Do you want to talk to have people “hear what you are saying” or do you want to have a conversation? Generally, people don’t fall asleep during conversations. They do during lectures, however. I notice the language you use to describe the activity is, “when *I* am talking.” Not “when *we* are talking.” Something to consider.
You have a very good point. Being the weird that I am I have a twist to it but it does shine a light on something I hadn’t thought of.
The language I used is very natural to me probably because I do a lot of story telling. It is a conversation but with me doing a lot of talking in lump sums. I like entertaining so I also don’t have a problem with being the only one talking as long as people want me to talk.
Maybe my problem about not being able to talk is when it does turn into “hear what I am saying” and people aren’t involved/invested. I would rather know that they would prefer me not talking so I can stop and move onto the next thing. Snoring would be an extreme example of that.
I know I am not a good teacher because I don’t do well in front of a class. I am a great tutor because I can explain things one on one. Maybe I don’t like lecturing but need it to be conversations. Since I tend toward storytelling and downloading information it is harder to tell when it is a conversation versus me just talking at people.
I do acknowledge the exception for when I am working with someone on personal issues between us. There are times when I do need to feel seen and heard and I need the other person to just listen to what I am saying. It isn’t a conversation. I don’t want their side to it, I don’t want it debated or discussed. I don’t need to be right or wrong, I just am. Clarification is ok and repeating it back to me to be sure we are clear is good. The other person should be allowed the same thing/option. This is when it is all about one person talking and the other just listening and is outside of the conversation/bored typical mode of interacting.
I relate. You want people to pay attention because you’re very invested in what you’re saying. It’s not that you don’t want to have a 2-way conversation, but it’s so frustrating when you’ve talked on for awhile about something that’s important to you, only to realize the other person fell asleep a couple of paragraphs ago, and it was all a waste of breath. It’s one thing if the other person cuts you off, or starts snoring….but if they’re just silent, you assume they’re listening and thinking about what you’re saying, and if they want to interject or change the subject, they will.
For me it is worse than a waste of breath. I feel horrible if I have been blathering along and they don’t want to hear what I am saying. If they are invested and are having a hard time staying awake due to lack of sleep or something, I want to work with them to keep them engaged so I can pass the info along or wait until some other time after they have rested. When I see people nodding off, I usually send them to bed.
A lot of time what I am saying isn’t important to me except for it as a part of me being involved with someone else. It is something I think they will like or a response to something of theirs. It is a sharing and if they don’t want to or can’t be on the other side, it stops being a sharing. I admit, I do like to talk. Sometimes my mom finds that she doesn’t feel like she gets to be part of the conversation. We are working on that because that isn’t what I want.
Having someone be “polite” and pretend to be interested when they are not or avoid interrupting or changing the topic so that I can blather on when they aren’t involved in what I am saying makes me feel sort of betrayed (not the best word but along these lines). I feel bad and start not to trust that people want to listen to me at all. I get quieter. And a friend noted that “When Gina gets quiet, things are not good.”
It is hard to behave the way I am expected (in normal society) when I have to listen to others and I find them boring. I go nuts. I wonder if it is part of the 7 nature. 7s think fast and feel a need for stimulation. If someone else is talking and a 7 finds it boring, it would be hard to “be polite.” Maybe we don’t like it when others don’t let us know they are bored/not interested because we are putting them in a position we hate.
I am aware that I am careful who I start conversations with because I don’t want to get trapped in a dull conversation. I am not good at excusing myself or changing the topic so I end up feeling trapped and bored out of my gourd. As I go down in health levels, it is easier for me to get bored. And boredom is the enemy.
“For me it is worse than a waste of breath. I feel horrible if I have been blathering along and they don’t want to hear what I am saying.”
Well yeah, I feel that way also. It goes along with feeling bad for talking about my problems. If someone doesn’t want to listen, I feel I’m imposing, like I shouldn’t have been taking up their time in the first place.