I am at the doctor offices and frustrated. This turned into more of a rant and more wide spread than I expected. For the record I love Kaiser. I really like most of the doctors I see here with a few exceptions. The problem is the abilities of the profession and the oddness of my issues.

I get so frustrated going to drs because there is so little they can to. I don’t bother until I have reached the end of what I can do. Turns out there is very little they can do past that. The cost of going to the doctor is the effort to set up an appointment, making time for the appt, getting there in time, finding parking, waiting in the waiting room, the co-pay, and then talking to the doctor. I am fine with the talking with the doctor (even though it feels like a waste of time and rushed) and I don’t mind the co-pay (I am very aware it is much less than what it could cost). I resent the time and effort it takes to set the time, make room for it, travel to get there and wait for the appt. Actually I don’t mind the waiting, it is only annoying because of the sacrifice necessary to make the time to wait available.

I am grateful that I can email my doctors with my little questions now. I am grateful for the internet where I can collect information than what I have on my own. I can go a little bit farther than I would on my own and I don’t need to deal with the ordeal of the doctor.

The RN I met today thanking me for the entertainment, answered some of my I am curious questions, complemented me on still having my fascination with things at this age rather than just as a kid, and gave me the URL for where she looks up information. Sadly she wasn’t able to suggest anything for my itchy scalp and was less informed about possible options than I was.

It is getting to a point where doctors are there to catch the life threatening issues and as patients we don’t know what is minor and what is a symptom of something major. I have this idea that nothing major ever happens to me. The closest I have come is a dermoid cyst in an ovary which was not the cause of the pain that led them to discover the cyst. I probably would have been fine with the cyst and I think I have worked out that the pain is actually a severe gas pain caught in a pocket in my intestines. This is something that you just live with.

(ok, I just remembered my two broken bone instances and the car accident I was in before I could remember. These are the reasons I maintain my health insurance and at those times I needed the doctors and they were very useful.)

Every other thing wrong with me impacts my life but doesn’t threaten my life and the doctors either dismiss it because it is common for many people and something you need to learn to live with or they have no idea what it is and I have to learn how to live with it on my own. Sadly, for even the common stuff (once I found out what to look for) I have the lesser know problem and I have great difficulty sorting between the problem and solution to what most people have issues with to get info on what I have issues with.

An example of this is my bunion (yes this has been a primary focus for the last couple of months for me). It isn’t bad. My big toe is only a little bit angled inward and I have no calluses on the outside and the bone does not rub against the shoe. This is the main problem with bunions. BUT… the interior of the joint has sharp shooting pain now an again. People talk about living with the pain caused by their bunions and not finding shoes that help. I can’t imagine continuing to walk if the pain I experience was present most of the time. I would immobilize the joint and learn to walk without bending my toes before I would get to the state they seem to be living in. This makes me wonder if my pain is more than theirs or if it is just that I am more sensitive to the pain which leads to me being more “wimpy” about it. I have stopped dancing and wearing any of my shoes except for one pair of sneakers (which I got after I broke my foot and swear by and have worn most days since then and really need to get a new pair), one pair of sensible dress shoes (which I avoid wearing except when I have to for business reasons because they still cause the pain) and two pair of flats (that I use for short trips outside and accept the probability that I am setting myself up for my feet to hurt). I don’t walk much any more mostly due to not having a job. Even when I am working and appreciating the exercise I am getting by walking to bart and the office, I take into consideration the amount I am using my feet and limit that when I can. This relates to where to eat lunch and things like going to the labyrinth.

I haven’t been able to find information on my inner joint issue other than as an aside to the bone sticking out and rubbing issue. I don’t know what solutions are for my problem and what is for part of the problem I have zero issue with. The doctors have nothing to offer either. I am told I need arch support but it seems to hurt more than help. Until I moved it forward under the joint. Then like a miracle, it helped stop the hurt. But it is a bump directly under the joint and I wonder if I am doing more damage in the long run by doing this. It could be possible that I need the arch support farther up than most people so that the joint doesn’t get compressed (the bulge under the joint opens it up too) but that isn’t part of the solution for bunions. I am not having the primary pain the doctors expect but severe pain where it is supposed to be mild and come after the other pain. There doesn’t seem to be anything for just what I am experiencing. I can’t confirm this via the internet because I can’t sort out the predominate problem from the lesser problem. There is info about joint pain but no description on what exactly the joint pain is. It could be pain on the outside of the foot rather than on the inside where mine is. Bah.

I am tired of having problems I should be able to get help with and fitting into the cracks where people don’t normally go. No wonder I learned to take pride in being Unique as a survival mechanism. It is either embrace it or suffer for being not normal.