I am doing much better. I have been awake for at least 40 hours. Spent 3 hours doing an intense enneagram download (an emotional slam of a different sort than previous ones) and have just spent 2.5 hours soaking in PPT on the PC and Mac.

Damn, I feel I should be worried about how much I like that program. I feel calm and smart and almost ready to kick some computer butt. Some people soak in hot tubs, I soak in PPT.

Today’s consumables have been a burger and fries from In & Out, 2 chocolate pudding cups, delightful mushroom/cheese/pasta and an ear of corn, and a mini 1,000 grand candy bar. I haven’t really stopped moving since I got home from shopping to find everything coming together all at once.

Dinner with a friend and enneagram education took me to an edge that I could feel very deeply. It was no more pleasant that the other emotional slams but it was the complete opposite direction and the type of thing I am more than pleased with to be doing. It is something that feeds me deeply. It is a very good thing.

I was able to visit another friend and his wonderfully large computer monitors and play with both a Mac and a PC, PPT 2004 and 2010. I cleaned up and made so much better the PPT animation sample I have. I have a hard time believing I spent over 2.5 hours doing that. Not being at home when I am working seems to be a big deal. Or it could be the computer system. So much larger and at an actual desk. At home I have a laptop and a mini while sitting on my couch where I sleep. I do take the laptop (which seems HUGE after the mini) to the library to work sometimes but that hasn’t seemed to be that different than working from home. *Gasp* could it be that I actually like the newer version of PPT? That Microsoft did something right when they released an upgrade? Don’t get too excited. Something I loved that they added to PPT 2007 seems to have gone away in 2010.

I am thinking that maybe everything coming together like it is/did might be to tell me/show me that not only will I survive hurting like that, I have the ability to handle it and make things work. I would rather not do it over and over. I still am shaking and I don’t feel like sleeping. I don’t want to try not moving. I still have the stuff from the store to put away. Good thing there is nothing to melt or go bad.

Still here. Still functioning (as well as always). More in touch with why it is all worth it after tonight. Still feels like crap but it seems more like worthwhile crap.