Grrrr Arrrrg. I just got my evaluation at from work. I am to have a meeting with my boss tomorrow or monday. I have to admit there is a lot of good in it but some of the bad really hits my buttons.
It feels like shades of my old boss that gave me so much trouble. Expected Mind Reading is not in the job description or in my set of skills. And because of my previous experiences with this type of situation, I go on the defensive very quickly.
Having my buttons hit is not a good way to go into a meeting with the boss. I am not in a place in my life where I can set aside things that bother me like I was able to do in 2005 and dealing with that last pain in the butt. And I really respect my current boss. Or did. I am not so good with the breaking of faith. I tend to switch on or off. The middle ground is a hard place for me to get to.
Work hasn’t been a pleasant place to be ever since the new guy showed up. It got worse when I broke my foot because that is when he went from talking all the time to being mostly silent. It has really increase the tension I feel in the room. I don’t know how much the difficulty I had to create because of my broken foot has added to this. Or if whatever is my portion started before and I am just finding out about it lately. My team lead seems to be aggravated with me and not telling me. Just sort of hoping I will figure it out. And since I don’t have confirmation just little clues, I don’t know how to deal with it or how large it really is. Grrrr snap.
I don’t think I am going to get sacked. I have too much of what they want and do too good of a job for them. They don’t like my reliability. It doesn’t help that when I started, I heard horror stories of others that had much worse problems than I do. It set my standards pretty low. Not really their fault, just not a smart idea. I am not getting a salary raise, which I don’t actually mind. I make enough, more would be better but not needed right now. And for me, it is all about the environment, not the money.
While some of the structure is still good, it no longer feels like my ideal job. Taking a year to get to this point is a pretty good track record. I just wish now that I hadn’t loved it so much. It hurts more when it dies off and it is harder to just coast through work uninvested.
Geee, it is another case of at mid-year, I was really good and at the end of the year, I am not good and there is no change in money. Yeah, I know it is not best to let your past inform your present but history feels like it is repeating itself. Wonder what it is I didn’t learn the last time around?
*HUGS*
I feel your pain. I was doing really well at work, IMHO, until this whole ISO 9001 insanity hit. Now the rules seem to change from day to day as to what gets filed where and how we title it and what’s allowed to be formatted as a letter, etc., etc.
My review is scheduled for the next week or two. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m flunking ISO 9001 and I was only 84% billable this year due to all the babysitting of the front desk I was forced to do and The Trip – holidays, vacation and sick days count against one’s billing ratio.
Bah. Makes me want to run away and join the Renaissance Faire.
You do feel my pain. I think you are in a much worse position than I am.
Oh yeah, I forgot that I burned all my vacation time on my being sick a couple of days, dr appointments and my broken foot. At least I can work through the holidays. Oh Joy, in an empty office doing stupid work.
I think you should run away and join Faire. I think it would be a good experience to have and it just gets harder and harder on a body as you get older. The economy may not allow good returns at faire but you do sort of sell addicting items. (Go ahead and try to tell me garb and such isn’t addicting, I dare you.)
Sadly, this was my dream job. I don’t have something I would rather do. *pout*
Yeah, this is part of my 24 hour Pity Party. I have plowed through 4 mini Mounds bars and see more candy, or a pie in my future.
This work at home things means I can still be on the computer for work and nobody gets on my case about it.
Go ahead and try to tell me garb and such isn’t addicting, I dare you.)
LOL. Thank you. I needed a laugh.
Come over for dinner tomorrow night and we can be miserable together. I’ll have pasta pizza salad; we can throw in some bird to make a variation on the Default Dinner and we can throw candy at any kid brave enough to come up the steps on the 660 side of the house.
Kevin’s manning the table @ SteamCon for the day, and I don’t think they’re going to close until about 6 pm, so he won’t be home until 8 or so.
Ken’s wedding is this weekend. I think I have plans with Aaron on Friday since I am dragging him to the wedding in Santa Rosa on Sat.
Raincheck for next week?
We are entering into one of the worst economic environments of the last century. Now is the time to figure out how to get past your buttons. Quite frankly it is already amazing that they continue to work with you when timeliness is such a persistent issue. You really can’t afford, quite literally, to get defensive at this point in time.
You really need to to concentrate, hell meditate if you can on the principles of professionalism and levelheadedness going into this review. Dress in a suit if you have to, and under no circumstances cater to your buttons. The difference between a decent review and an official warning, could very well be your attitude.
I know that’s not what you want to hear, but you could very well turn an unpleasant moment into a bad situation. Please, for the sake of your financial well being, try to detach your emotions from the situation and try to keep the damage to a minimum.
This is the reason I whined to LJ. I knew it was my buttons and that there were emotional connections and I can’t afford to go into a meeting with that stuff raw. It would turn out badly. I have to get that stuff purged.
This is still a really good company and a really good job. I would like to stay invested instead of just punching the clock. I really don’t see anywhere being better.
While I know everything you said (and admit was a little annoyed to be told what I already know) I do appreciate having it front of me in words other than my own. After I got over the initial annoyance, I realized it is very useful to me because it is harder to ignore or dismiss than my own mental ramblings. Thank you.
Exactly! You have the freedom to whine on LJ. Whine away! I do it.
Then after we are all done and have put it safely behind us, we go out in the world and pretend we are functional adults.
Sometimes more successfully than others.
Big Hug!