Just got done checking in with the boss. She stopped by on Friday as I was ordering a ticket for a play that night so I couldn’t talk. I popped my head in to check in with her and we had an quicky meeting.

She told me she saw me when I came in at noon on Wed and I looked horrible and she wanted to know how I was doing (this was the morning after I picked my mom up). She suggested I call in sick because that is what we have PTO time for. I was ok talking to her but then got more and more nervous and went into story mode and probably overstayed my welcome.

In some ways it is good to have a boss that cares enough to check in on you. In other ways it really blurs the boundaries and makes it hard to know when to stop.

I am doing a little better with my arrival time at work but still have to get a lot better.

Now I am overheated and feeling sick. I wish I could just tolerate things better instead of being so aware of them that I react when reacting isn’t appropriate. All I want to do is go home and hide and that really won’t help anything.

It doesn’t help that I had a migraine last night (I believe it is because of cookies I ate with real sugar, they haven’t done this before but it is a wheel of effects when it comes to consuming sugar) and couldn’t go to sleep until after I took some heavy drugs. I woke up feeling fine (this is how I normally deal with migraines) except I feel really dried out. My lips feel like they are on the way to being chapped and my throat is scratchy and dry even while I am drinking tea or water. I don’t know if these are related or I am just being overly aware again. I actually wonder why I feel as fine as I do since it was so bad last night. The pain wasn’t so bad, it is just pain, it was the feeling horrible and not being able to do anything. I couldn’t distract myself in any way. Sight and sound cut deeply into my head. I went from freezing to sweating, back in forth over moments. Sometimes in less than a minute. I took my temp and it was the same no matter what I felt like, 95.9F (I typically run low).

So I mostly feel fine but queasy from the meeting and feelings of stepping in it. Put that together with the sore lips and throat and I wonder if I should just head home. If I gave in every time I felt like this I would only be at work half time if that. Oooo another boundary issue. When is it time to go home sick and when should I just tolerate? Grrrr.

And the sad thing is that I Know that if I found something interesting, I wouldn’t have a problem staying and working on it. Distraction is miraculous sometimes. I might pay for it later or never.