I would be a good idea for me to:
1) Eat lunch at a reasonable time.
2) Go home after work instead of sitting at the computer until I have to worry if bart will keep running.
3) Get up when I know I need to and go to work.
4) Make the PT appointment.
5) Work on the things I promised to people.
6) Answer emails.
I know what I need to do. I just refuse to do it. I need to grow up. I spend time hiding in the depression and there are areas where I just need to do what I know I need to do.
It is a mixed bag these days. I feel like things are rotten to the core but reasonably they are both good and bad.
On the positive side of things:
1) I managed to get 2 loads of jeans washed.
2) I have paid my bills.
3) I have fought with the viruses on my computer and have made headway.
4) I have managed to keep me fed in some manner.
5) I get to work every day, even if I am running late.
6) I actually get work done, work that people are impressed with.
7) I am getting damn good on Picross.
8) I am actually maintaining some contact with people, instead of disappearing completely.
9) I paid my car registration even though I did it late.
10) I have kept ahead of my TiVo.
It doesn’t go into my good for me section but I have a lot of things I have composed to put into LJ but they just don’t find their way into the computer. It would be nice if I did manage to get that done.
Transitions suck! Everything seems like too much or not enough. Bah!
Apprapos of Nothing
Dinner and Witch Hunter Robin viewing in the near future?
Also, may we expect the pleasure of your company for Elephant Sale this Saturday/Sunday? We would be most appreciative of another set of hands
Re: Apprapos of Nothing
dinner near future, yes.
I don’t know about the WES sale. I had been planning on working it but considering I was also planning on showing up last weekend and didn’t and people are actually wanting to get together this weekend, I sort of doubt it.
And I feel badly about that.
You could just forgive yourself for not getting everything done and move along with things.
Mind you, I’m the king of beating myself up for stuff, so this is a bit of pot/kettle.
But, take pride in the successes and leave the rest behind.
The only problem with the first items is I keep doing them and they are the things that are physically helpful for the condition I am in and I know about them and know what I am doing in avoiding them. It isn’t so much about beating my myself up about it as to stop repeating a bad pattern.
Not that I don’t beat myself up over things way more than I should. I am getting really good with that mental bat. I used to be able to blow this stuff off and move on but I have found the inner critic and it is mean. I do try to let it go and focus on the successes.
Hi Kettle *waves*
You own a lot of jeans. And getting two loads of laundry done is -always- an accomplishment
)
I paid my car registration on time this year for the first time ever. Admittedly, I’ve only had a car for 3 or 4 years and I didn’t get it smogged for another two months, but by gosh, by golly, by gum I paid my registration on time.
I keep buying new jeans. I keep finding some that fit lengthwise ergo I Must Buy Them since it is rare. There were 5 pair of jeans, 2 jean jackets and a bunch of misc items from the White Elephant sale (like the jean jackets) that “should” be washed before I do anything with them.
Getting these two loads done was really amazing. I am not even going to state how long it has been since the last time those things that I previously owned were washed.
I only paid my registration late because I lost the bill because it comes so many months early. And online pay requires you to have the bill in front of you or call to get the info you need. Other than that I was golden.
Dumb question and completely out of left field, but I have to ask, are you utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy, at all?
It might really help with those first six points… or, at least, not do any harm…
(yes, I’m a dreary convert to same. But, really, it’s done a hell of a lot for me)
I am probably way too aware of my brain’s part in all this. I fully recognize when the automatic negative thoughts show up and I send them on their way. Every now and then I will stop, take a big breath and list the things that are good and positive so I don’t get stuck in the negative.
This list wasn’t even beating myself up or being negative. It was acknowledging areas where I keep undermining myself that cause things to get worse instead of better. And that is why I listed the positive things, to provide balance. The way I undermine myself is when faced with something I should do, I find something to distract me and think about something else, thereby not actually dealing with what is in front of me.
I have been using the depression to say it is ok to do this, it is how I am surviving. But there are places where it isn’t ok, like getting to work on time. The list is all related to things I am choosing not to do that are caretaking actions. These are all things that make everything else harder.
I usually start the negative thoughts after I finally start moving to take care of these things. It has been entertaining figuring out that the part of me that is moving forward does not deserve to be pounded on but praised. The blame belongs to the part that was avoiding the issue and I have already moved past that part in time so beating on it is pointless so I let it go.
So… does this sound like I am utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy? I think so. Every now and then, my therapists will point out some thought pattern of mine that I didn’t see and when they do, I can see where it is messed up and causing part of the problem. But it is rare for them to find those. I am really good at seeing what I am doing and acknowledging it. And if my thoughts are running down negative tracks, I usually jump trains.
Do you need a hug?
Well you get one anyway.
**HUG**
Of course I could use a hug but the electronic ones really don’t count for much. You will just have to give me one in person.
I suppose I could but that would require me to fly down from Seattle, show up at your place, have you freak out because I am now acting like a stalker and calling the police. I get arrested and spend the next few days in jail. Fly back home, have my boss find out that I was arrested and then fire me because I am a security risk.:)
I think I will wait until we are in the same place at the same time. Wolfcat talked me into modeling a costume for her at Costumecon. Maybe there?
Of course you could tell me you were on the way and avoid that whole stalker scenario. But since there is no room in my apartment to host a visitor, jail would take care of any housing issues.
I have been trying to get out of Costume Con because I am so fried but Dorothy is having me play a bit part in her costume presentation so I might need to follow through on it for at least one night.