Things ended yesterday on a better note than they started.

I found a place that makes sugar-free italian ice cream. The reason this is good is not because it is sugar-free but that the sugar-free is created by using fructose instead of that evil that is splenda. Even though I was cold because the temperature had dropped and I did not prepare for it, I bought myself a cone and enjoyed it.

A block away was a hot dog guy. I had been looking for these hot dogs for 4 days while I worked in the Mission district. These are great hot dogs. They are wrapped in bacon and cooked on a cookie sheet over a hot plate with onions and green peppers. They are found on the sidewalk and have got to be against many health codes. I have them leave off the green peppers and put mayonnaise and ketchup on mine. I found them once a block away from the 16th street bart station and in the Garment District in LA. I love these things. So while I was eating my ice cream, I got one of these. Another man was there waiting for his order and he told me that this guy is there Thurs-Sun and if I don’t find him on Mission, then check a block over on 22nd, basically across from my new ice cream place. He also told me about a cheep parking garage on the other side of Mission off of 21st where I can park and pick up my favs.

It was nice to get this information and it was nice to have a conversation like this with a stranger. We don’t do that enough with today’s society. I felt in tune with what was going on around me. It was different when I started working in the Mission district earlier in the week, I felt very out of place and like I didn’t know how to fit into this different social structure. I felt like I needed to defend myself from everyone because I would be such an easy target.

Even earlier on my last day I almost had a problem to deal with. This guy seemed to have problems with personal space. I was at McDonalds for lunch and I pulled up before the door because I could see a couple coming to the door and I was going to hold it open for them. I looked behind me (in the glass) and saw I had someone coming up on me and there is no reason for him to know that I stopped. Sort of like slamming on your breaks on a street. People assume you are going to move forward and when you act strange for no reason, it causes problems. So there was a little mix up at the door. Not a big deal. Except a bit later, I thought it was the same guy outside of McDonalds.

When I was walking back to the office, I felt something behind me. Just a quick tap on my butt like the fabric had caught on something. I look behind me and it was the same guy walking behind me and passing me. He apologized as he went past me. Not a big deal but I wasn’t comfortable about it. He was a tall black guy that looked like he kept himself well. He was not homeless or scraggly. He also wasn’t someone in a suit or any sort of high end. He fit in nicely to the 24th and Mission crowd, probably the higher end of the crowd but still part of it. I glared at him through my sunglasses and let it pass. It wasn’t like he poked or grabbed me. It could be totally innocent. But it wasn’t going to continue. He went across the street at the light and I did a quick 90 degree turn and headed up the street to the side. I had four blocks to go in either direction and it didn’t matter to me which way I went.
I called a friend just to tell him the story and looked back. This guy, who I was giving the benefit of the doubt to, had recrossed the street back to my side and was now walking a ways behind me again. This is when I decided that it was going to stop. When my friend answered, I told him what was up and kept checking behind me. I was prepared to take this guy to task about his issues. He wasn’t crazy so I didn’t need to worry about that. I would have a witness in the form of a phone. People were around. I wasn’t too worried because I have no problem with creating a scene. Half way down the block, before I finished my story to my friend, the guy disappeared. Didn’t see him again. I figure that if this guy was trying to pull something, part of the scenario is that the victim feels like a victim. Since I am not the type to go there, I don’t get hit with this very often. I can be a rather intimidating person and sometimes that is a good thing. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to confront the guy. Just a little. I believe I have it in me and I have never really had to find out for sure.

The sort of thing that this could have been (in the negative sense) is not the sort of thing that happens to me. I think it is because on one hand, I am very very careful and cautious in all parts of my life. Not that I run around afraid but that I allow very little that is not in my control or that I don’t know about into my life. And I refuse to be a victim. I feel that the attitude of being a victim draws those that want victims. It is like locking your car door. It isn’t going to stop a thief if they really want in but the thieves will choose the unlocked car over the locked car most of the time.

This started out as a note to say what good happened yesterday to balance the bad start and turned into a story of self empowerment. Hmmm.

Today is better than yesterday but not by a whole lot. When I got home around 8pm last night, I crawled into bed because I wanted to hide from the day. I ended up falling asleep even with the living room lights on. I slept off and on all night just like most nights lately. At 5:30am, someone in the complex stomped across the walkway above me and woke at least everyone on our side. There were door opening and people talking afterwards. I felt whoever had done it was being very childish since it took a lot of work to pound that hard.

Since I had a full night sleep already, I got up and watched Starter Wife while eating cereal. I wanted sugar and this was a nice compromise. Rice Crispies with nutrasweet. After that, it turns out I went back to bed. After a few hours I feel asleep again. I got up around 2pm and forced myself to put on some clothes and go outside. I used getting the mail as an excuse and had the opportunity to talk to some of my neighbors. I appreciate that. Seems like the person near the end upstairs had the cops called on her because she was having a party and someone threw a rock through the window of her downstairs neighbor. The neighbor has complained about her in the past and the cops thought it might be related. Soon after they left is when the stomping occurred. The landlord was called when the cops had gone and the time delay might have been the landlord calling the problem person. It was neat catching up on the drama.

Afterwards I had more food and watched more tv and managed to stay up. I feel better today than yesterday but still needing to get better from this to count myself functional again.

I have no plans for tomorrow. Work has taken off hard core. I work for my old company Monday and Wed and a new contract Tue, Thurs, and Fri and then for the next two weeks. It was suppose to be 3 days of work this week, one and a half next week and then the next two weeks but then everyone wanted to expand and use up all my free time. So much for easing back onto working after surgery. I still haven’t been paid for the one day of work I did before Memorial day which is all the work I have had for the last month.

Hopefully I can keep it all together. I think I can but I keep letting things drop that I don’t feel like they should drop. It is like there are two versions of me. I need/want to get them into sync because it makes it too hard to plan when they don’t mesh up.