I am facing a situation that is getting me angry. I have been put in a position of responsibility and I am finding that I have no power. Someone who I am depending on, that I have to depend on, is not responding to my emails or phone calls. It has been going on for weeks now.

Being ignored, being left in the dark with no information and being powerless are all buttons of mine and stir emotions into the mix. I have a tendency to do something drastic to make myself heard when I feel this is going on. It usually is over the limit of appropriate. It could be foolish, or cut my nose off to spite my face, or just piss others off. I try to avoid situations like this to avoid this sort of problem.

I am to the point where I am pissed. I am ready to do something. I have learned a lot about seeing what I am wanting to do and finding an appropriate way to handle things but nothing has worked so far. I have been loading for bear (getting the really big guns ready and gathering big ammunition), ready to take someone on head to head. I have a great deal of power behind me when I focus. That doesn’t mean I am good at what I do with it, just that I have it.

Well, in finding myself loading for bear, I am realizing how much this is bothering me, that it really is a problem and have worked out some other steps I can take that are more appropriate at this time. I have gotten around to putting those into play and have put off taking more actions for a few days so they have a chance to yield fruit.

I find that part of me is invested in those steps not working because I am ready to go head to head with this person. It is very frustrating to be ready to take some big action and then have to back down from that level without being able to go through the energy. This is all part of growing up, being responsible, behaving in an appropriate manner, being professional.

Bah, I want to be a kid and throw my tantrum. But that would not serve anybody any good.