I have managed to send out 5 cover letters and resumes. I don’t see getting any response out of them but they are all part of putting energy into the system. I am exhausted and worn out. It is so much easier to just do the work than to try to sell the fact that I can do the work. Why, oh why can not people just understand that I am a goddess in the things I do well and they want me. Blah

So yesterday into this morning, I am keeping myself busy because every time I start to slow down I start gibbering in terror. I am convinced I won’t be able to take care of myself. Intellectually, I know better but emotionally, without work bringing in money and without a huge stockpile of money, the gibbering money starts off nattering in my ear. I make it into the office to hang out (since they aren’t paying me for today but I get to use the internet connection and stuff) around 1:15pm. I consider this a success. About 10 minutes before I logged in, one of my agencies sent out a broadcast email looking for a rock star presentation specialist. Instead of staring at it and getting around to it later like I normally would, I call right away. They are tickled to have me call and as soon as JC is out of a meeting, he will call me and fill me in. The project is an immediate need for someone to make a presentation pretty before Feb 1st. That will nicely fill in the rest of this month and allow me to be free for the 1st and 2nd to do the work for my now old company. I will also be looking for real work and poking the agencies for more temp work. Basically it is a perfect fit for what my life has turned into.

I feel like someone up there is laughing at me. The Universe sees that I am gibbering in terror and then hands me something that fits perfectly. And just so I don’t get too complacent, I haven’t gotten the call back to find out about the immediate job. They could have filled it, they could want me to start tomorrow, they could want me to start next week. I don’t know. It may even be too far for me to commute to or pay some ridiculous low wage. I have a feeling I know who it is for and if I turn out to be right, then it is great. But at this time I don’t know and I don’t think I will know until tomorrow at the earliest. And yes, I have called the agency a couple of times and have only gotten voice mail for the one I need to talk to. Bah

In all this, I managed to remember that I can claim unemployment this time around. My work hours were drastically reduced through no fault of my own. I have only been on unemployment once. When you work for temp agencies, unemployment doesn’t work so well.

So another night of avoiding the gibbering money in the back of my mind. All in all, I am better off than when I started here, but for some reason, I feel worse off. Isn’t being aware of your emotions so much fun? Bla

But I did a great job of actually searching for jobs, contacting people and writing as well as sending cover letters. I have to keep reminding me to pat myself on the back for those things. It is amazing that I did all that today given my normal methods.