Hero or Zero

I seem to fit only one of these extremes these days.

At my last temp assignment, I felt I did a great job for them and stood up for myself following their strict rules. They ended up sending a long email complaining about me and refusing to pay for 0.25 hours of my time. I know it is their lameness that is the cause of this but it is another place where I don’t fit in and am a problem. The place before that decided to end my assignment which was good because I was ready to get out of there. More time wasting rules that didn’t add value. So, for them, I was a Zero.

My current assignment is for another division of a company I worked for in San Ramon. They love me here and think I am doing an amazing job. And I am doing what I can to take my time so that I don’t blow through the work at superspeed. They keep telling me what a help I am being and thank you for coming and you are doing great work, etc. The environment here is much more the way I think a job should be. They care about their people and treat people like people instead of cogs (or at least as far as I have been able to see). Here I am a Hero.

The assignment goes until the end of May and may, just maybe, be something more. It is not challenging and I am sure I would fall asleep soon. My old Diva ways would resurface. But it is the type of place I would like to be in. I want a company like this that can use what I have to offer. It is a Market Research Analysis company. I am not sure I would be suited for a different job here but as a model, it is good. And it is not a Financial company. Weee

I am getting rave reviews for my work for Baycon. Now that we are entering the final stretch, my insecurities are showing up. After it is all over, I will see if I actually deserve the positive kudos I have been receiving. A friend pointed out that I am taking my job seriously and won’t let things not work out. That just isn’t me. I am hoping that really is enough. Sometimes I am sure it is, other times, I feel reality knocking on my door to let me know I am delusional. It will all be clear in that 20/20 hindsight.

My personal work for the last year or two is to walk in the Grey. To be neither Black or White, to learn to live in the middle zone. This Hero/Zero thing is not helping. I would like to be good at what I do (with a little Goddess thrown in for my ego’s sake) and do my job. I love being a Hero but it is getting slightly uncomfortable. Like clothes that don’t quite fit anymore.

3 thoughts on “Hero or Zero

  1. We are Grey

    We stand between the candle and the star.

    As far as BayCon, you are The Gina. You’re doing fabulous and, once Con hits, you will have your hoardes of minions to do all the fetch/carry/drudge work.

      1. Re: We are Grey

        I get three staff and every available gofer when called. I call them a hoard of gofers. We will find out how many that will be.

        But, Wow, I get my own minions. I have to think if this is the first time or not. I might have had a minon at any time but plural?

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