I seem to fit only one of these extremes these days.

At my last temp assignment, I felt I did a great job for them and stood up for myself following their strict rules. They ended up sending a long email complaining about me and refusing to pay for 0.25 hours of my time. I know it is their lameness that is the cause of this but it is another place where I don’t fit in and am a problem. The place before that decided to end my assignment which was good because I was ready to get out of there. More time wasting rules that didn’t add value. So, for them, I was a Zero.

My current assignment is for another division of a company I worked for in San Ramon. They love me here and think I am doing an amazing job. And I am doing what I can to take my time so that I don’t blow through the work at superspeed. They keep telling me what a help I am being and thank you for coming and you are doing great work, etc. The environment here is much more the way I think a job should be. They care about their people and treat people like people instead of cogs (or at least as far as I have been able to see). Here I am a Hero.

The assignment goes until the end of May and may, just maybe, be something more. It is not challenging and I am sure I would fall asleep soon. My old Diva ways would resurface. But it is the type of place I would like to be in. I want a company like this that can use what I have to offer. It is a Market Research Analysis company. I am not sure I would be suited for a different job here but as a model, it is good. And it is not a Financial company. Weee

I am getting rave reviews for my work for Baycon. Now that we are entering the final stretch, my insecurities are showing up. After it is all over, I will see if I actually deserve the positive kudos I have been receiving. A friend pointed out that I am taking my job seriously and won’t let things not work out. That just isn’t me. I am hoping that really is enough. Sometimes I am sure it is, other times, I feel reality knocking on my door to let me know I am delusional. It will all be clear in that 20/20 hindsight.

My personal work for the last year or two is to walk in the Grey. To be neither Black or White, to learn to live in the middle zone. This Hero/Zero thing is not helping. I would like to be good at what I do (with a little Goddess thrown in for my ego’s sake) and do my job. I love being a Hero but it is getting slightly uncomfortable. Like clothes that don’t quite fit anymore.