The last night before my birthday

This is my last day of my 30s. Looking back I noticed something interesting.

I cried the night before my 13th birthday because I was not ready to be a teenager. I cried the night before my 20th birthday because I was not ready to stop being a teenager. My 30th birthday was a mess and I didn’t have time or energy for reflection. Today I am excited that this is my last day of my 30s. I am ready to move on.

As a child, I was never in danger of wanting to grow up too quickly. I always understood that I would only have that time once in my life and I should enjoy it while I could. Once I was an adult, I would be an adult for the rest of my life, which from the view point of a child is a long long long long time. I grew up kicking and dragging my heels. I was different from the “norm” because of this.

Now I am approaching an age where the “norm” is to deny growing older, to hold onto your youth, to repeat a earlier birthday over and over. I am happy with my age. I am incredibly proud of my grey hair. I worked hard at each and every one of them. The only complaint I have about them is I would like them more concentrated in a few spots and less scattered. They are noticed more that way and look cool. Not too happy with the wrinkles and the loose skin but it doesn’t bother me too much. The trouble will be when I look really silly wearing my short skirts and I can’t tell.

I am tired of being young. I am ready to live my life with the experiences I have collected and using the lessons I have gone through so much pain to learn. I am tired of dealing with the pettiness and superficialities of “youth.”

It feels like the New Year’s Eves when a bad year is ending and everyone is toasting good riddance to a bad year and hoping the next will be better.

I am glad I canceled my plans so that I would have room for this sort of reflection. I wish I could figure out what my future self would regret not having done at this age so I can make plans to do it. But I continue to draw a blank in that regard.

13 thoughts on “The last night before my birthday

  1. As a child, I was never in danger of wanting to grow up too quickly.

    As a child, you were always a very old soul. As an adult, you have always been a child at heart.

    Ageless has always been the wrong word to describe you… more you are not without age, so much as you seem to always be in touch with all ages.

    When you were very young – you empathized with the things your Mother was going through on a very adult level. It was actually a great role model for me when my own parents divorced — it was easier to detach myself from my mother’s trials and realize that it wasn’t about me thanks to your example.

    When I got way-too-serious in my late teens — you’d drag me out from time to time and show me that ‘wacky, zany, adventurous, and fun’ were all aspects of the ‘child’ that I was trying so hard to leave behind needlessly.

    Forty. What a wonderful word. You have been here, gracing the rest of us with your wit, charm, beauty, and joie de vivre for forty years now.
    I think I’m probably the luckiest person on your FL just because I’ve seen you at nearly both ends of the spectrum, and so many “Ginas” in-between.

    The day I met you, you were 6-going-on-7. Six years old. Forty years old. No matter how you look at it, my first impression of you was DEAD on. You are one amazing and wonderful person.

    Thanks. Thanks for sharing bits and pieces of your life journey with me.

    I don’t look at my own wrinkles as things to be ashamed of – so much as badges of honor. Yes, there are times I bemoan the fact that Gravity is winning the war – but I wouldn’t give up a single thing – nor would I go back.

    I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate your 40th birthday with you – but believe me – I’m celebrating the fact that you have been here 40 years… it means the world has been a much better place for some of us for a very long time now thanks to you!!

    *hug*

    1. Birthday Song

      This is a tradition in my family, and this time of year, you are pretty much family.
      You must immagine it sung, poorly, to the tune of the regular “Happy Birthday to you” melody.

      Happy Day-before-your-Birthday to you,
      Happy Day-before-your-Birthday to you,

      Happy Day-before-your-BIRTHday to Gina,

      Happy Day-before-your-Birthday to you!

      Best I can do. I hope to see you at the Pit on Saturday.
      ~Melissa

  2. Happy Birthday, Lovely Gina.
    I’m glad you’re finding the leaving of the 30s something to be enjoyed. I wonder if I would have the same outlook as you when I come of age, so to speak.

    So many people are tuaght to fight the coming of the years kicking and screaming; and there are those, like you, who want to progress and experience life w/o having to fight so much to retain something that is slipping away.

  3. Best Wishes

    As Yndy said, the world has been a much better place for some of us thanks to you.

    (HUG)

    Even though you aren’t having a formal party, I’m still going to give you a Gina Story.

    One day at Mos Eisley we were both home. Pumpkin sent an e-mail grumping about how stressed he was at work and that he was going to wind up with an ulcer. You immediately announced that milk was good for ulcers and since we still had most of a quart in the fridge, we should get dressed in Pumpkin-friendly attire and bring it to him. I don’t remember which of us decided that it should be poured into his Chalice of Office as Bartender, but it came along with us in a brown paper bag. We arrived at his office looking fabulous only to be told that he had gone out for a walk. We waited in his office and surprised him with the Chalice of milk upon his return. I think only the Cash Box got a higher rating for Fish Faces; but that’s another story, oh parter in mischief. (SMIRK)

  4. Happy birthday, dear one. I am enjoying reading your reflections on the subject; I turn 36 in just a little over a week. I find your thoughtfulness to be a good reminder to do my own work in the time which remains.

    Hugs!

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