Arggg.
Just had a meeting with the boss to try and get some ideas into him before I leave. A legacy for those I leave behind.

He has been nice today. We don’t have any work for me to do so he isn’t stressing about me and can be decent. We had a good meeting and have cleared up some stuff. And it seems so reasonable and nice and workable. I am feeling like I can stay and can be useful again. He is even talking about giving me the excel sheet to work on that has been a problem with us in the past.

ARGGGGG. I have to keep reminding myself that the next time it gets rough, he will become a shit again. We talked about that and I pointed out that he has problems with me when he is overloaded. He explained that his expectations change when we are busy and something he will work on is being clearer with his expectations. Also, we worked out how to approach him when he is busy to not cause waves. He has a tendency to drop whatever he is doing when someone addresses him no matter how important what he is working on or how unimportant what you are telling him. He is working on saying, “not now,” “wait a minute,” “can I help you,” “send me an email,” instead of getting aggarvated at the interruption. Since I am his #2 person, I have to interrupt him many times just to do my job.

I can do all this. It is reasonable and workable. I can work with the James of today. I don’t think I can work with the James of Stress. When I brought up the explosion of me taking a 5 min break before doing an update and him coming to find me, he seems to honestly think he was just trying to get work passed along and that he only had trouble with me because I didn’t have something done. He can’t/won’t admit that he was angry with me all day, felt that I hadn’t been working and was ready to believe the worst about everything about me. I don’t know if he is just in that much denial or if he can’t admit it. If he can’t admit it, then it can never be worked out. No matter what I do, things that we discuss when he is not in stress-ville, I will screw up according to him when he is King of Stress. I can’t take all this hitting walls to learn how to “behave properly” for when he is in the land of the Stressed. And I shouldn’t have to. I don’t know what he needs to do differently and you know, it isn’t my problem.

My problem is figuring out when to turn in my resignation and what should go with it. I have a follow-up interview Friday morning. I feel bad because I am pulling out the dr appt card for it. That is a me thing. I care about my job and doing right by it, even if it isn’t doing right by me.