That is why I included nourish. I have always understood “enhance”, but I think I have been rebuffed for so much of my life, I don’t know how to allow “nourish” without defaulting to “complete”. I am trying to work on protecting myself appropriately and still allowing myself to be nourished without resenting the need for it. Joy is something to work on later if it doesn’t show up in the cracks on its own.
Joy showing up in the cracks on its own! That is so very fine! It is like the green growing things pushing back the sidewalk and the path remembering that it if of the earth, not of man’s making. There is a wonderful bit off a Tull album that goes something like that, from a song…Jack in the Green, maybe?
“I must conquer my loneliness alone. I must be happy with myself or I have nothing to offer you.
Two halves have little choice but to join; and yes they do make a whole.
But two wholes when they coincide… That is beauty. That is love.” – Peter McWilliams
From “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” – a book I have had for 16 years now – and have given out twice as many (at least) copies as years I’ve had it…
If you are looking for someone to complete you – you are saying that you are unfinished, and missing something. Enhancement means taking something good, and making it even better…
Go with enhancement. My husband doesn’t complete me – he makes me strive to achieve to be a better person… I love that.
Hang in there. And buy the book if you can spare the time… it’s a good read. Although, I admit, I liked the first version (now out of print) so much better than the recent one. They didn’t ‘enhance’ it… they added some unnecessary stuff… like the entire last section.
I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding where they had two candles, lit the Unity candle and blew out the first two. The wedding vows also included “finding my other half” and “we two are one.” This has always bugged me. I feel a relationship is an entity that two whole people make so there is now three, not one. I don’t mind the lighting of the Unity candle if the other two are still lit if the right attitude is included.
The current theory: A number of things happening right now has shown me that I tend to hold myself separate or I try to belong completely (gotta love extremes). And not just in love relationships, but in my important relationships. The pattern from childhood is showing itself so clearly right now. I was so open and rejected that I closed myself off pretty much completely. It took til High School for me to learn to interact with people from that closed position. I built a lot of my personality on the foundation of being Unique because I thought I could never belong and I had better plan not to. Now when I try to truly belong, I go to the “too open” position again and since life hands you both good and bad, I get rebuffed again by the normal bad. I hurt and I close off again. I am trying to find that elusive middle ground so I don’t get womped by the bad and can still let the good in. This is where the “nourish” comes from. I have come to the understanding that I really need people and I have resented it. Mostly because I keep getting hurt over and over.
Not sure how to accomplish this balance other than be aware of it happening, admitting it, thinking it through and working on it with those in my life.
Oh, look ma, I’m getting all introspective online.
People are good for people: humans are essentially pack animals.
Keeping that in mind: my new mantra is “Joy comes from within”.
That is why I included nourish. I have always understood “enhance”, but I think I have been rebuffed for so much of my life, I don’t know how to allow “nourish” without defaulting to “complete”. I am trying to work on protecting myself appropriately and still allowing myself to be nourished without resenting the need for it. Joy is something to work on later if it doesn’t show up in the cracks on its own.
Joy showing up in the cracks on its own! That is so very fine! It is like the green growing things pushing back the sidewalk and the path remembering that it if of the earth, not of man’s making. There is a wonderful bit off a Tull album that goes something like that, from a song…Jack in the Green, maybe?
“I must conquer my loneliness alone. I must be happy with myself or I have nothing to offer you.
Two halves have little choice but to join; and yes they do make a whole.
But two wholes when they coincide… That is beauty. That is love.” – Peter McWilliams
From “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” – a book I have had for 16 years now – and have given out twice as many (at least) copies as years I’ve had it…
If you are looking for someone to complete you – you are saying that you are unfinished, and missing something. Enhancement means taking something good, and making it even better…
Go with enhancement. My husband doesn’t complete me – he makes me strive to achieve to be a better person… I love that.
Hang in there. And buy the book if you can spare the time… it’s a good read. Although, I admit, I liked the first version (now out of print) so much better than the recent one. They didn’t ‘enhance’ it… they added some unnecessary stuff… like the entire last section.
and big squishy virtual hugs!
I was a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding where they had two candles, lit the Unity candle and blew out the first two. The wedding vows also included “finding my other half” and “we two are one.” This has always bugged me. I feel a relationship is an entity that two whole people make so there is now three, not one. I don’t mind the lighting of the Unity candle if the other two are still lit if the right attitude is included.
The current theory: A number of things happening right now has shown me that I tend to hold myself separate or I try to belong completely (gotta love extremes). And not just in love relationships, but in my important relationships. The pattern from childhood is showing itself so clearly right now. I was so open and rejected that I closed myself off pretty much completely. It took til High School for me to learn to interact with people from that closed position. I built a lot of my personality on the foundation of being Unique because I thought I could never belong and I had better plan not to. Now when I try to truly belong, I go to the “too open” position again and since life hands you both good and bad, I get rebuffed again by the normal bad. I hurt and I close off again. I am trying to find that elusive middle ground so I don’t get womped by the bad and can still let the good in. This is where the “nourish” comes from. I have come to the understanding that I really need people and I have resented it. Mostly because I keep getting hurt over and over.
Not sure how to accomplish this balance other than be aware of it happening, admitting it, thinking it through and working on it with those in my life.
Oh, look ma, I’m getting all introspective online.