Just got back from meeting someone from OKCupid and I am exhausted. There have been articles running around about how self-control/will power gets used up when you are trying for a change and watching everything you do. (http://www.fastcompany.com/video/why-change-is-so-hard-self-control-is-exhaustible) Guess what you do when you meet a stranger with no ties to the people you know.

He is a good guy. I have always known that I had little interest in small talk and the surface level of people but I find it interesting to observe this in action. I don’t date much and any man I do date I usually either know as a friend or is connected closely with friends and I have gotten to know him somewhat. When OKCupid boy and I met and started talking about everything, I observed a flow of information. At first there were the surface social things that seemed appealing. As more time was spent and we set ourselves a task of building a kite and take it flying, I started to notice characteristics of both mine and his that would work well together and would clash. Our basic personalities were getting into the mix. It wasn’t until hour six that we got to the type of stuff that I would consider worth the effort in getting to know him better. And, as is usual around me, it was after we decided it was time to stop and send him home. Total time, eight hours. It was light when we started wrapping up, it was flat black night when we finally drove our separate ways.

Typical dating advice says to avoid certain topics, like discussing your ex. Those sorts of things don’t phase me at all. I am actually interested in that sort of info because it is part of a person’s life story. When a story of mine includes an ex-boyfriend, he gets included. Things like order small amounts of food and such are so unimportant that they barely show on my radar.

What I find triggers my alarms is how someone handles things. This guy went out of his way to get materials for the kite and was very detailed in building it when I was in the mood to just slap something together, see how it worked, and have fun with it. I can see where this quality could really end up bothing me. Currently I am guessing that this might point to a focus on compentency or perfectionism. As it is, I would be driven nuts but that is true of pretty much the entire human race. Once I learn how to deal with something, I also know the person better and have an investment in their value to me and then it stops being an issue for me. Understanding leads to tolerance without effort for me.

It will be interesting to see how things develop.