I managed to sleep some from sometime after 1pm to sometime before 1am. It was a good thing. I did a lot of sweating out which I think was good for me. I felt like I had turned a corner. Coughing actually was productive, I could breath deeply. I am getting better right? All I had to do was stop eating and drinking and fall asleep in boredom.
It isn’t going as planned. I drank a shake to get nutrients into me and it is still hard to do. I just don’t want to swallow. It doesn’t hurt or anything. It seems more like trying to feed a baby that keeps closing its mouth when the spoon comes near. Just don’t wanna.
I got pans of water heating again putting steam into the air. Managed to get the humidity from 63% to 70%. Would like 85% again but then I have to spend a lot of time/energy watching the pans. I had one pan heating for tea and turned it off because it was ready when I still had the shake to drink. It is now cold again and I am no closer to being interested in drinking anything.
I am panting after getting off the couch to get to the pans to check on them and refill as needed and getting back to the couch. I feel exhausted. I don’t know if I am really that weak, or if it is the trouble breathing and I am interpreting it as weak, or if it is that I am very focused on it and therefore not comparing it realistically to other times when I have the same level of strength. I am sure I am fine and ok and such, I just don’t know how to interpret my information. Am I near an edge of actually not doing well and needing some sort of help, or am I just being whiny?
Normally, if someone is asking this sort of question, it is a sign they really are not doing well. Me, I just pride myself in being honest with myself and so I ask the question to see what my answer would be. I just watched something where a guy got hit on the head and kept telling people he was fine and then falling and passing out. Seeing this, I understand why people don’t listen to an injured person when they say they are ok. But this isn’t me. I own up to what is wrong with me. I usually own up long before there is a real problem. I am not a tough guy to just take the pain and keep going, I am not full of pride that would be dented if I admitted that I was hurt, I am not a polite person that plays down things to make others more comfortable. I am a screaming sensitive whiny child when it comes to injury and pain. If I say I am ok, then I am well into the realm of ok.
I hate it when people question my assessment of how I am doing like I wouldn’t be honest and ask for help if I needed it. It really really bugs me. I know why it bugs me but do not know why it bugs me as much as it does. When I need help, I ask for it. My mom, not knowing when I was just complaining/whining or if I actually was hurt, used to ask me if I needed to go to the hospital. When I was really in trouble or didn’t know how to deal with whatever I had to deal with, I have no problem saying Yes, take me to the hospital. I don’t mind being asked the question. I do mind people not listening to the answer. I am actually happy to be asked the question because 1) it means someone is concerned about me and cares enough to ask, 2) it is an outside question and sometimes it is easier to get a real answer then if it was just an internal question. The part that drives me nuts is when I answer and the person doesn’t believe me and treats me like I don’t know what I am talking about. That and the insistence that their ideas about what is wrong with me are better than my ideas and ways of dealing with it.
I don’t want to be one of those people that say they are ok when they are not. This is why, while I know that right now I really am ok, I do wonder if I am near the edge of not ok and should I worry. I had a shake (Glucerna nutrient shake thing) sometime Friday am. Before that I was asleep. I just had another shake an hour or so ago. That is all I have consumed in terms of food. I have had a couple swallows of water. Logically this is not enough and a very bad thing. But I don’t want to eat and I don’t want to drink and I feel better about not doing so. Maybe this is like a fast. People are fine fasting for a few days and things are cleaned out. Me, I have this idea I will die if I don’t eat in a day. Maybe I don’t need to worry about it and just let my body do what it wants. If I get too worried about not eating, then maybe I will want to eat.
If you feel that you’re not getting better and want to go to the ER, CALL ME.
I’m going to brave Dickens today, but doubt I’ll last the entire day. I was going to go to Wendy’s Solstice Celebration, but I think I should stay home and not share my germs.
You know you are my first call if I need the hospital.
It has happened in the past. Thanks. We are so close to Kaiser Oakland, does that mean this is the new version of Airport Greetings?
No, you won’t die from not eating for a day. You will however die from not drinking anything. Maybe not in a day, but pretty darn quick, like three days, and not drinking anything for one day makes you pretty weak. Even when people fast, they drink a lot of water. Dehydration will make you woozy, and out of breath.
Unfortunately, as much as you would like to be trusted to your own care, the sick person’s assessment of themselves is often inaccurate. It’s not a matter of not trusting you to tell the truth to the best of your knowledge, it’s a matter of you not knowing what the truth is. And right now, you sound like a mess.
Please accept help from those in your vicinity, and please start taking in some fluids. Even if you don’t wanna.
I realize I do sound like a mess, that is the stuff I am pointing about, but I also know I am not in danger. I do wonder how it looks from the point of view of someone that doesn’t know me vs someone that knows me well. What are the things the two point of views see differently. Just for reassurance, people that do know me and do care and rate high on responsibility ratings are also getting the same info as I am posting here so if I really am being clueless and putting myself in danger, they know enough to step in and take over.
I am too much of a wimp and panic too easy to get close to being in danger. And when a crisis happens, a different side of me shows up and is really good at taking care of things. I really like that side.
I totally get that most sick people can’t properly assess themselves and that is a main reason I am good with people asking me questions. A big difference is that I have always paid too much attention to my body and have a really good handle on what is going on. If I don’t know, I own up to it and turn myself over. And every time I have turned out to be right. Even my parents learned to just let me do what I felt I needed to instead of following whatever guideline they thought was important. My mom is rather proud of how I listen to what my body needs and tries to do it herself.
A lot of my problems don’t even show up in the doctor’s tests so they don’t know what to do to take care of me. I don’t mind jumping through the hoops of being the sick person and not trusted. I hate the patronizing attitude. If people would own up that they want me to do X because they are concerned about me and it would make them feel better, I would be ok with that. It is the ones that keep trying to convince me that they are insisting on X for my own good and denying that I could possibly know more of what is going on than anyone else. If they worked with me rather than treating me like an idiot, it would be so much better. This is a main reason I have trained so many of my friends to run interference with those official types while I get myself back under my own control. If I can’t do it, then I ask for help.
Hmmmm, this actually might have helped me figure out how to deal with those types better. I have never felt I knew what to do/say to prove to them that I actually was doing alright rather than not being able to assess myself. Maybe I should approach it as a deal. If you give me 15 minutes and I am not all better, then I will go through the rigmarole with you. But sadly they usually aren’t willing to make deals.
I like it when there are the questions of What date is it? Who is the president? etc. This allows there to be a direct assessment and proof one way or the other.
Thanks for being a sounding board and bringing up points. It helps me dig deeper into the pile to see what is underneath the stuff I can normally see.
Drinking fluids is both important physically and helps your mood and thinking. For a number of people a symptom of dehydration is grumpiness or being very emotional.
It would also help if you worked on establishing a regular sleep schedule where you were awake during day and asleep at night.