Yesterday ended on a craptastic note. I was doing well with the Keep Gina Social project and even enjoying myself. Then I got a call moving an appointment from today to Thursday when I already had two other things scheduled. It is something I should have a choice on but I felt I really didn’t. And I had the same sort of appointment cancelled on my last week. So after a week of long unfilled days used up in 18 hour sleep sessions I was having things squished into one day. It shouldn’t have made me that upset but it did. My entire attitude took a nosedive and I got really cranky. But the time I finished my outing with a friend and got home I had a migraine moving in. I also remembered I hadn’t taken my meds when I was suppose to so that was a factor as well. Because I had flipped my sleep schedule and was trying to turn it right side out again, I had about half an hours sleep in 24 hours so add that in as well. I managed to drug myself up enough to not end up with more than a headache and get to sleep maybe around midnight.

And today? Wow! I woke up at 7:30am to the rain and felt pretty good. I had my shake and checked out the rain. Yup, wet. Love it! I watched some TV. I called a friend (since by then it was a reasonable hour of the day) and left a message about getting together for lunch. I started making plans to hit the DMV for a new driver’s license and the bank to see if I could get a new temp ATM card and a new pic for my debit card. I felt uneasy and uncomfortable laying around watching TV. After the one show, I was done. I actually felt like I wanted to get out of the house. This is practically unheard of in my typical life. I didn’t even have anything scheduled that required me to leave or a push on myself that it would be good for me. I wanted to do it. I started folding sheets from laundry done a couple of weeks ago and putting away clothes. Without forcing myself to do it. It came naturally. This is how I think it should always be. You think of it and then you do it. There wasn’t this huge mountain pressing down on me to fight to make something happen. Amazing.

I got a call back about lunch with a no go and that didn’t dent my day at all. Just meant I had more time to work out the other things on my plate. The appointment that was cancelled got rescheduled to 1:30 due to an opening. I hoped in the shower to get ready. Again, unheard of. I normally have to get myself into the shower. The entire getting ready process is a big reason other things don’t happen. Or it feels like it (sure I could take out the trash but that would require putting clothes on and that is too much so I will just lay here and live with yet another bag of trash). It is so neat to be doing things just because it is a good thing to do them. No fighting myself. No pushing against a boulder stuck in sloppy mud. No fighting with gravity or anxiety. No feeling the need to bury my face into something soft and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

I am sure this won’t last, it will come and go and things progress. But I wanted to note that it is here now. Also to ponder how much of it being here now is related to the fact that it is raining finally? I get the whole dark and dreary thing that other people have with this kind of weather. It is sort of depressing if I let it get to me. But underneath part of me just unfolds and seems to thrive when water falls out of the sky.

I knew that not having a job through the summer, especially Sept was not going to be a good thing. I didn’t think it would as bad as it seems to have turned out.

All in all, I am pleased it is raining. Even if it rains so much that the worms flood out and it gets stinky.

I guess there is a good reason my first Photoshop project was the picture of raining Ginas.

note: anyone that wants to post a comment in the negative about the rain….don’t. Just saying. This is my happy, stay away.