OK, I finally went ahead and did it. I created a filter for the bleeding I do on LJ. I went through and put people on it. There were a few of the “why would they want to be on this filter?” but if there was a response to my filter query in the positive, they got added. I will not be signifying that something is or is not a filter post. You will either see it or not.
I am adding some people to my friend’s list and don’t want the only impression they have of me to be dark insides I have been exposing on LJ. I have gone back to april 2007 and switched appropriate posts over. It is surprising that there are fewer than I thought that needed filtering. I think that is because I write a lot of them in my head and they don’t make it to the computer. This depression is lasting too long and I don’t know about everyone else but I am tired of it. I have the urge to smack me in the head and say “Get over it already!” Sadly this doesn’t work. I am running out of ideas on things that would work. I am feeling like I am heading to broken again.
If you see this, you are on the filter. At any time if you want off, just let me know.
I regularly go through a lot of the same kinds of personal smack-downs. My therapist says this is normal; I am reworking 40+ years of crap and it’s going to take a lot of time. Feeling like you are consistently running on the thin edge of broken is also normal apparently!
Hang in there Hon, you are doing good work and although the progress is slower than you want, there is progress. You can do this!
*hugs*
Sparrow
Thank you for including.
Of course Sir.
You hit things with your words. There is a reason you get the Silver Tongue. When the hits are bad, I just take them with salt and move on. When the hits are good, they are bullseyes and useful, painful, growth inducing, nurishing, etc.
I value your ability, both the good side and the bad.
Hang in there my friend, you’ll make it, as my husband says..baby steps, baby steps. Just because it’s taking so long doesn’t mean it’s not working.
*hugs* I too wished I could just ‘get over it’ when I was suffering. When I relapse I feel the same.
I’m sorry this sucks so much and wish I could do more.
Zhaneel
*is here*
*is listening*
*isn’t sure what else to do*
–Ember–
At the very least, if you see the downhill slide coming, you can prepare for it better – lay some cushions down or something. And plan your route back up.
Baycon. Arrrr. How’s that coming along? (presuming they tapped you again for that – I seem to recall they did) How is your depression affecting that – or how will it affect your depression?
If there’s something concrete I can do for you, let me know.
As long as you can talk about it, as long as you can feel it, as long as you can reach out and say you hurt, there will always be one of us around to help.
Just remember that.
I am happy to be on the filter.
If there is anything we can do (realizing I can give energy and and ear from T-Town) we will be listening.
(Yay I know, sappy, but true).
I’m very glad to be included in the filter. I make alot of “dark insides” posts myself, then wind up going back and deleting many, because I feel my journal’s getting too depressing or that I’m annoying my friends list with my ongoing dismality. It’s so nice to see another 7 who knows it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
I really want you to be able to see this filter. I tend to not go back and delete anything I write. I don’t like to write and by gum if I wrote it, I am going to post it. It also helps me be honest and aware of what I am up to. I really don’t like going back and reading my posts but I am aware that I am exposing that side of me. It is part of my being “honest and open with who I am” nature. Or at least I think it is.
It is the real me not the happy happy joy joy me and if readers don’t want to read that, then they don’t have to. I am not doing to edit it to protect them. At least not more than by doing this filter. Mostly that is to protect the people that don’t know me in person from getting a once sided view of me. Most of my friend’s list are people I have actually met in real life.
I am glad to find another 7 that has both the dark and light side to them and want you to be able to see my dark side 1) so you see that you are not alone and 2) I can get some related feedback from someone with a similar point of view.
The thing that keeps me writing this stuff are the people that leave comments about how useful it was to see what I wrote. Either they have dealt with something similar and I got them thinking about something. Or I pointed out something they hadn’t thought of before. Or I explain something that they thing a friend has gone through and it makes more sense. Or… It is really gratifying to know that this stuff that goes through my head has been useful to others. It makes me that much more willing to go ahead and put it out there.
I was really surprised by some people that specifically asked to be on this filter. I thought we had only the most surface of relationships and that they would only be interested in the happy happy joy joy side. I still am a little nervous about them but I figure they asked for it, it is up to them if they can handle it. I haven’t got anyone on my friend’s list that I think can/will hurt me so it is all safe for me. That is why most of my posts are friends locked.
So Welcome.