Yeah things are crappy and I have a miserable attitude but some good things do happen.

I am very pleased with my job. I have been here since July 9th and I still like it. I like the people I work with both directly and for. I laugh a lot in the office. Everyone seems tickled with I get bouncy. They ask me questions about Excel and other software programs that I can answer. They are very happy to have a goto person to show them how to do things that aren’t helpdesk types of questions. They love that I ask so many questions (which amazes me). My two direct co-workers think I am easy to work with and have high communication skills. I like joining in on the pot lucks and quizzes and other odd things some people in the office set up. I did the holiday card we sent to our clients and we got some really positive feedback.

The other co-worker that started at the same time I did quit before Xmas. He was getting quieter and more removed. Going over things he has done, we are finding that he just made things work instead of asking how something should be done. In the past, my co-workers/supervisors get annoyed with me because I keep asking how to do things if I can think of more than one way they should be done. This is a case where the opposite is true. We don’t have a set way of doing things so oddities come up all the time. We are growing so we are trying to make standards and this is where those questions are useful. Things then get done the way all of us would do them instead of some different way that doesn’t make sense to anyone but the person who did it. I feel sorry for the missing co-worker. And so very happy that this place suits me so well.

I am still messing up here. I am still having a horrible time getting in on time and go through cycles of self loathing because of it. I zone out on solitaire type games when I run into snags for hours during work. I can take upwards of 4 hours to finally get around to getting something for lunch and be pretty worthless except for the basics until I eat. I am operating at my low end of functionality here. I believe all of this is my self destructive patterns playing out and I am hoping I will work through them and become an even more valuable resource for this company.

There is good in with the bad and my job right now is part of the good. In a way it is a little sad that work is the most positive thing in my day and my weekdays are so much better than my weekends.