I am learning how to deal with pain. To allow it into my life instead of avoiding it at all costs. There are things that make dealing with the pain worthwhile.

Something that is very hard for me to deal with is sitting in the pain, of not having a solution to be moving towards, of needing to wait. Time for me moves very fast and it can seem endless when pain is added to the equation.

The spot of drama that had been put on hold finally got resolved yesterday, a month after the drama and a week more than when it was promised. And it turned out to be exactly what I and those that I have been talking with think it should have been from the beginning. Why the hell did we have to go through this?!?!?!?!? The person that created the problem wasn’t even there for the solution so they will probably not be happy with the end results any more now than they would have any time since the original explosion.

I was happily scooting along on a wave of enthusiasm making pretties for those that wanted them and Wham! smack into a wall. I think I understood what the problem was and it made sense. I pulled out my caring understanding self and tried to apply first aid. This drama inflicted person wouldn’t have anything to do with it and basically created enough of a problem that everything came to a halt and I had to start letting go and backing out. So much velocity had to be dumped that I don’t really want to get involved again. There are things I am willing to do but they will now take work instead of the effortless pouring of product that was going on before.

It was probably good to give the drama person time to cool off, we will see if it did any good. It was probably good for me to put up some more boundaries and to stop going at full speed like I was before. I think someone was taking notes so not all the ideas will have been lost.

Some of us were ready to do battle and had a variety of alternative plans ready to move forward. Other things came to a complete standstill because it was too frustrating trying to work on something with things up in the air like they were. It contributed to depressions in at least two people and killed something neat that would have been unheard of in Baycon history. And when the powers that be finally talked it out, it all fell in line with how I think it should have been at the beginning.

I have accepted that pain can sometimes be useful and can sometimes be the price you have to pay for things to happen. I sat in this mire of pain resulting from someone else’s issues and their way of dealing with it for a month and far as I am concerned there was no reason for it. I tried to help them so this would not be a make it or break it issue for them and I don’t see anything that waiting did for the problem that will change it. This feels like a f**@$#King waste of all that pain I had to deal with!!!! Why did we have to go through this?