Over time, I have determined that I don’t “want” the way most people do. For me the definition is a little different. Wants are very close to Needs but it doesn’t threaten my survival if I don’t get them.

If I Want something, I will work on getting it. If I can’t have it, then I will work on not Wanting it.

What I see other people calling Wants are what I call Would Likes. I would like more space in my apartment. I would like good food to eat. I would like more clothes. I would like more space to put the stuff I currently have. I would like to work more cons. I would like to see my friends.

If someone says they want something, I automatically start the process of figuring out how to get it for them. A boyfriend (at the time) did his standard “I want a donut” one evening. I had noticed that we were one parking lot over from a strip mall that had an open donut shop. He was quite surprised when I drove out into the street and turned right away into the next door parking lot stopping in front of the donut shop. He then had to explain to me that he didn’t really want a donut, he wanted the feeling of wanting a donut. It still only makes vague sense to me.

I see people that say they want this or they want that and then don’t do anything about making it come into their lives. Sometimes all it takes is a trip to the store. Sometimes you have to find it, or wait to afford it, or plan for it, or do something else to make it happen. And these people go about their lives with no thought to having whatever it is except that they want it. It is well and good to know that they want something but that isn’t what I would call a Want. That is a Would Like. It would be nice if this fell into their lap. That’s it.

My dad has been talking about this thing called the Law of Attraction. He even sent me a DVD of the movie The Secret which is about this Law of Attraction (great production values, good information, I am willing to lend it out if anyone is interested).

The basic premise is that if you focus on good stuff, you will bring more good stuff into your life. If you focus on bad stuff you will bring more bad stuff into your life. It goes into a lot more detail and has suggestions on how to make it work. The core is focusing on your wants and desires daily until they come true.

In some ways I live like this already for my needs. I think that is how I manifest my current part time job for a full time salary. I didn’t “make” it happen, but I did focus on what I needed and watched for opportunities to move towards it.

As I ponder this and attempt to try out the concept of the Law of Attraction, I find that my wants and desires are rather vague. I don’t have well defined wants/desires because I don’t know what life is going to bring my way and I don’t want to miss something wonderful because it didn’t match what I was looking for, I was looking another way, I couldn’t imagine what eventually turned up. I go along and judge if I like something and want more or if I don’t like something and want less or none. I experience what is in front of me and then decide. Some times that experience is made up of seeing something and then thinking about it instead of actually physically trying it. I am pretty sure I don’t want to go skiing or surfing without ever trying those.

Another factor is I am also aware of the saying “Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” I handle this by taking what shows up and dealing with it. It could be said that if you don’t like what you wished for, you can always wish for something else but it doesn’t work that way in my book. There is effort and energy put into getting a wish and that is wasted if the wish turns out to be wrong. Not completely wasted because it is an experience but not fully used. I have always hated retracing my steps, going back the way I came. When I have taken a wrong turn driving somewhere, typically, I will find a different way there than to go back to where the turn was wrong, if I can. If I go somewhere, I prefer to leave a different way. Getting a wish and then not wanting it feels like retracing steps to me.

I also don’t want to be limited to what I can imagine. There are so many things I don’t know are possible, I don’t want to focus on the ones I do know and exclude other possibilities. I prefer to speak in generalities that would satisfy me than specifics that would be what I think I want without knowing what else is on the menu.

And the last reason is because of disappointment. I don’t want to focus on something I Want/Desire and have to deal with the disappointment if it doesn’t come true the way I want it to. I get very stuck on my ideas when I formalize them. Disappointment is no light thing for me. It can completely take the rug out from under my feet. Disappointment is something I have been working on accepting for the last few years now. I have begun to be able to accept some low level disappointments but the bigger ones still feel like it threatens my survival. It isn’t necessarily a rational reaction but I do recognize it that way.

There are lots of Would Likes and few Wants/Desires. I just wished I didn’t have to translate from other people using the word want into something that they would like. It gets frustrating.