Somebody sweet snuck in and put balloons on my LJ. Thank you.

Ren_wench always manages to give nicknames that stick and very appropriate cards. She sent me this virtual one and it cracks me up. Another friend sent me a custom animated card that she created.

I got a card at work signed by the office and a number of people bemoaned that it wasn’t one of the “cool” cards. That is because I make the customized cool cards for the last 4 birthdays here and I didn’t make one to surprise myself. I think I am now making them not so much for the birthday person alone but to entertain the entire office.

I had a long phone call with my dad last night and I enjoyed that for my birthday. He is sending me a book for my birthday. He says it is a new tool like the enneagram that he thinks I can use in a similar way. Some girls get jewelry and I get How to understand yourself and other books. I rather like it that way.

I have no special plans for today. There are two (three but one is too far south and I am admitting my limits) birthday parties tomorrow for me to attend. I am one of the guests of honor for one of them. Basically anyone who is a Scorpio or has a birthday near Scorpio that is attending the party gets to be a guest of honor. But Ren_wench makes me Gina-safe deserts so I am special. (and full of it but that is ok).

My last post got a bunch of birthday wishes as well. I had off-line IM messages waiting for me when I got to work with birthday wishes and a couple others popping in the moment I signed on.

The pre birthday ponderings this year add up to I understand why 40 is so pushed as over the hill. I didn’t feel it when I hit 40 but about 6 months in, it feels like I pulled out my plug and I was just drained of energy, hurting from aging, I am having problems with motivation, my knees, my energy, my connections, etc. I am beginning to actually feel old.

It use to be that I could abuse my body and still keep going.

Then it was if I abuse my body, I couldn’t keep on going but if I took care of myself, then I could keep doing.

Now it is I take care of myself and I still can’t get going.

I have been bitten by the bug of enjoying responsibility and wanting to work more cons. And I am learning that I may not be able to. I busted my hump for Baycon and took damage. I was second for two departments (some responsibility but not full on insanity like Baycon) and was flat on my face by Sunday of the con and falling apart. I went to just enjoy the experience of Silicon and took no responsibility and didn’t even make it through the first day.

I have interest in me working for Comic Con and Anime LA and I would like to but I don’t know if I can. I am going to see how I am doing after I work LosCon at the end of this month before I determine if I have to give up for the time being.

I am getting slower and slower, doing less and less and I don’t feel like I am getting any better.

On the flip side I feel like I am getting wiser. I handled an issue that arose at the laundromat last night very well. I have been told by a couple of people that I trust and that would know that I have grown a lot in the last year. I don’t necessarily feel like it. I feel like for the last couple of months I have been sliding back down hill but when it is pointed out that I am reacting to things in a better way, I have to say I do see the changes which means I have grown. It is sort of like growing tall. When it is pointed out that you didn’t used to have to duck your head to go through a doorway, you realize you have been growing.

All in all, it is another example of there being both really good and really bad. The big growth for me is that both can exist at the same time. This is new and novel in the land of The Gina.