Not sure I am going to the Xmas Gaskell’s. Last year, I was there in my pretty dress with a back that was all seized up wondering why I insist on going to every single Gaskells. The reason is that if I don’t insist, I won’t go and I would miss out on something I enjoy and would be good for me. But, if I am pushing myself even when I shouldn’t go, then that system doesn’t work so well anymore.

So, I told myself it was ok to miss a Gaskells or two. And earlier in the year I did and it was good. It allows me to actually enjoy the ones I make it too.

I really enjoyed the Dance Macabre for Halloween and was looking forward to Halloween Gaskell’s. I got a great kick out of showing off our costumes but that was about it. I had to hustle for dances. I think I got three in the entire night. And having a friend innocently complain about the consequences of having every dance booked really didn’t help my mood. I felt tired and drained and stressed and not really into it.

I enjoy dancing. I can’t dance every dance but I would like to dance most of them. I think it is fair that I ask people to dance as much as I get asked to dance, though I would like to be asked more than to ask. But there is no reason the guys should have to do all the work. I do get asked to dance but it is getting to a point where I am needing to do most of the asking. And not always getting yes, sometimes they are booked, sometimes they aren’t up to it, sometimes they just don’t want to, sometimes we can’t find each other when it is time. I feel like I have to scope and peg a partner long before a dance comes up (which means I can’t ask some guys because they are on the dancefloor all night long and I can’t get to them) or I am left without a dance. I have to determine who is likely to say yes, so I don’t waste my chances on a no and thereby miss the dance. I am tired of feeling like I have to do that type of scheming. It is one of the things keeping me away from the Plough on Monday nights. These social ballroom dances are turning into more of a trial than a delight. This sort of stuff to a larger degree is why I ended up going New Waving in the 80s. No waiting for anyone else to dance and you can dance with as many people as you want.

So, I am facing the upcoming Gaskell’s with nothing particular I want to wear, my back is hurting again (this might be a seasonal thing) and the likelihood of needing to hustle for dances. But it is Xmas Gaskell’s. So many people I know and like will be there and some I don’t see any other times. And it will be beautiful. And if I don’t go, I lose the opportunity to have a good time in protecting myself from having a bad time.

It is a 50%/50% shot that I will be going. I am leaning against at this point.