The euphoria bubble has deflated. Reality has reasserted itself. A couple of small things happened Tuesday evening that brought things into a different focus.
This post was really good when it was going through my head this morning while avoiding getting up. Most of that eloquence is gone now.
Most of the benefits from this last weekend are gone. I realize this is a knee-jerk opposite reaction. Get too much from one direction, must go about as far as in the other direction to balance things out. Can’t live in a new head space, only approach it slowly with a lot of see-sawing back and forth.
It is interesting to Know that what I am feeling and seeing are creations of defense mechanisms and thereby they must be distorting my view of reality. But it feels Real. I guess this is where the idea of acknowledging your defense mechanisms and accepting whatever it is that you are going through gets practiced. It doesn’t mean stop thinking/feeling/seeing what you do, just accept them and know that they are distortions. Maybe there won’t be as much invested in them and they will be easier to let go of later, when it is time.
Grrrr….Arrrrg.
Living the examined life is not easy.
::hugs::
It’s always ALWAYS a shock to me, to come back to reality after something like this, whether relative small (like trance class) or a big do (like PCon).
I’ve started calling it “living the Clark Kent life when I want to be Superman all the time, dammit!”
::huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs a bunch::
Actually, reality afterwards was great. I had no problems. For days. I knew I had a positive spin on everything and that was fab.
The problem was when I found out what I thought was so good, wasn’t really anything near what I thought it was and I figure I have gone into massive defense mode and now see reality with the opposite (negative) spin.
I am use to that reality shock coming out of cons (sci fi ones) because another reality is created over the weekend and the interface between the two can be harsh. That is why I take a day off to recover. That and usually I have worn myself out physically and need the down time. I understand the Clark Kent life/Superman thing. But I do realize that I would never survive as Superman all the time.
“If I knew myself, I’d run away.” – Goethe
Just sayin’.